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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872086">Pretty Sensational</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebruja/pseuds/littlebruja'>littlebruja</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Killua Zoldyck, Boys In Love, Camboy Gon, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Slow-ish burn, lots of it because Killua is a mess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:54:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebruja/pseuds/littlebruja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua can admit he watches porn. He feels no shame in saying so. But he is not the type of person to pay for it.  So can someone please explain to him why he's about to spend fifty dollars to watch a hot guy moan?</p><p>In which Killua realises he's been accidentally jerking off to his best friend, and the aftermath that follows.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>802</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua can admit he watches porn. He feels no shame in saying so. It helps him get off, it’s a good stress reliever and its natural. He would argue anyone who says otherwise.</p><p>But he is not the type of person to pay for it. He is content with the free stuff–it doesn’t take much to get him off. Watching two naked hot guys messing around is sufficient enough, and that’s simple and easy to find.</p><p>The ‘premium’ and paid versions have always just seemed like a rip off to him. He thought for sure that only desperate, and quite honestly stupid people were the ones to fall for it. Those little clips that purposefully cut off just before the best part are enticing, sure, but given the amount of free porn available, why would he bother clicking on the link asking for payment? What was the point when he could find something equivalent without emptying his pockets and his pride?  Killua really wants to reiterate. He is not the type of person to pay for porn.</p><p>So can someone please explain to him why he has his credit card out and is filling in the payment details, practically frantic, as he slides his fingers quickly across the keyboard? Why he is doing this when he’s a broke college student? Why he’s deciding to do this at midnight when he has an early shift tomorrow? He couldn’t answer himself.</p><p>As he prepares himself to press the confirm payment button, affirming that he really is about to spend fifty dollars to watch one video of a dude moaning, he apologises to all those he called desperate for his hypocrisy.</p><p>Clicking with trembling fingers, the screen darkens to process the payment and for a moment he sees himself in the reflection. His eyes are slightly crazed, his under eyes are smudged with dark circles indicating his lack of sleep, and his white hair looks like a bird’s nest, because it is past midnight and yes, he’s watching porn instead of sleeping. Yeah, this feels like a pretty low moment in his life.</p><p>His pitiful sight is soon replaced by the confirmation screen and a wave of anticipation courses through him as he becomes suddenly aware of his body. More specifically how horny he is. He can feel a heat pulsing beneath his skin, and the strain of his cock in his pants begging to be touched. He’s so pent up he feels like he could explode. Finally, he clicks on the full version of the video he just paid for, vibrating with excitement.</p><p>It started with reddit. He could blame it all on that. He got the account because everything nsfw got banned off Tumblr leaving his gay ass stranded. He liked porn, sure. But the mainstream sites were too fake for him. He could tell the guys weren’t enjoying themselves as much as their obnoxious moans might say otherwise. Tumblr was a good alternative for that. It felt more real. But the change in regulations meant he had to migrate somewhere else. Twitter was an option, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it, so he was left with reddit.</p><p>Immediately he discovered that it was a cesspool of weirdos and know-it-alls– the community almost made him leave before he even got his foot in the door, but its ample collection of explicit subreddits convinced him to stay.</p><p>His feed consisted mostly of various gay nudes and the occasional cute cat pic that he couldn’t help but upvote. A lot of it was littered with men who, while perhaps justifiably so, thought they were the hottest shit ever. Killua found himself rolling his eyes at their narcissism–just because they had a big dick and abs didn’t mean anything if they were such an ass about it.</p><p>Perhaps he was judging them too harshly, but he was starting to bore at how similar all the posts were. The same conceited smirk, the same downward angled selfie. It was all the same. Sure, they had that amateurish vibe that he liked, but he missed the more personable and unique nature of Tumblr.</p><p>Then he discovered the user FreakyHunter.</p><p>It was by pure chance. Killua wouldn’t have found him at all, but as he was lying in bed, scrolling through post after post, falling deeper into the pits of the internet and trying to find a reason to sleep, something made him pause. He was on a random user’s profile page and they had cross posted a gif of a boy. A very muscular boy. A boy that had a fantastic ass and was fucking into a fleshlight. He was just his type.</p><p>The sight instantly made his cock twitch.</p><p>With eager eyes, Killua watched as the boy jut his hips into the velvety black toy which contrasted pleasingly against his tanned skin. He didn’t have an impressive size, quite average in fact, but it was the prettiest cock he’s ever seen. Not overly veiny, straight and a sweet rosy shade of pink, Killua’s mouth salivated just looking at it. But what really got to him was the boy’s shy smile in the corner of the screen.</p><p>Unfortunately, the user had hidden most of his face, only letting Killua see his pink mouth which surprisingly had a bashful tilt to it. So innocent in contrast to what he was doing. Killua could describe it modest if not for the fact that the man had posted it himself, obviously not against flaunting his defined biceps, strong forearms and broad chest that tapered into a defined waste. The man obviously spent a lot of time working out. Killua was impressed. He went to the gym three times a week but didn’t have nearly the same level of definition as him.</p><p>But it was that small smile, which was strangely endearing and charming, that really drew Killua to the man. And it lit him with a burning fire–cute boys with a rock-hard body were just is type.</p><p>As he watched the guy’s dick entering the flesh light, Killua could imagine it were him being fucked instead. And his body thrummed with anticipation at the mere thought of it. </p><p>After watching the gif three times, each time disappointed there were not more, Killua decided he should check out FreakyHunter’s profile. Sure, Killua should be sleeping. But what was the harm in just a quick browse? He could stop after a few minutes and head to bed. He could do that. There was no harm in just looking, right?</p><p>The harm was immediate and severe.</p><p>According to the profile, the boy’s name was Hunter, and as Killua scrolled down he was bombarded with gifs, selfies, but more importantly <em>videos </em>of the cute boy. Most of them contained Hunter fucking into various objects–sometimes biting his lip, sometimes panting, sometimes wearing that bashful smile. And the more Killua devoured it all, face pressed close to the screen, the more he was becoming aware of how fucking <em>hot </em>Hunter was<em>. </em>He couldn’t understand why he was so obsessed with the muscular boy’s mouth or why he found him fucking into his bedsheets hot, but it was an inarguable fact that he did.</p><p>But why then did he not stop there? Why did Killua continue to click the link in Hunter’s bio to access the full version? Why?</p><p>Because of his moans. They were fucking <em>angelic</em>. And Killua was pathetically horny.</p><p>As Hunter rutted into his bed sheets, staining them with the precum dribbling from his cock, Killua was blessed with hearing his voice for the first time. It was gravelly and deep. The kind of voice that sent pleasant shivers down his spine. The kind of voice Killua could imagine breathing hot into his ear as he was fucked hard from behind. Even more thrilling were the occasional whimpers the boy let out at a particularly good thrust, his hips stuttering and his thighs clenching. Those sounds went straight to Killua’s cock.</p><p>As Killua watched more, absorbed in taking in every twitch and movement of Hunter’s perfect body, he become overtaken with just how damn <em>cute </em>he was<em>. </em>He was used to thinking the men who did this sort of thing were hot, but he couldn’t deny, as Hunter ground into his bed, letting out little pants and moans saying “uh uh uh, so good,” he was <em>adorable</em>. And Killua vibrated with desire just looking at him. </p><p>But just as he was about to slide his hands down his pants, ready to relieve some of the aching pressure that had culminated, the video ended. Fifteen seconds. The video was only fifteen damn seconds. Killua needed way more than that. And there was only one way for that to happen. </p><p>Later, he would be ashamed at how quickly he made his decision, but at the time, tense and on edge, he couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried. In a matter of seconds, he had clicked the link in the description of the video and had his credit card ready to go.</p><p>That brings us back to the present, where Killua is pathetically gripping his cock around the base and thrusting, desperate, so damn desperate to relieve the pressure in his gut as he fervently stares at his laptop screen. He is rock hard, lying on his back, and practically pulsating as he moves his hand over himself. The sound coming from the laptop only encourages him more. Watching the amazingly hot boy in the video, Killua can’t find it within him to regret spending fifty dollars.</p><p>Hunter is fucking into his sheets at a demanding pace, low moans escaping his mouth and whimpering, and Killua tries fiercely to keep in time with him. He’s so high strung and the build in his gut already threatens to push him off the edge at a moment’s notice. At a particularly high moan from the humping boy on the screen, Killua has to grasp himself around the base hard to avoid coming on the spot.</p><p>Hunter is beautiful. Each urgent movement and flex of his of his muscles as he grinds down hard reveals his gorgeously toned body. Killua only laments on the fact that he has so expertly positioned his face out of the camera’s gaze, for he is sure that the sight would be even more beautiful. Although blurry, Killua can imagine his clenched eyes and slack jaw as he overwhelms himself with pleasure.</p><p>Killua stares eagle eyed at the spot where Hunter’s pretty cock and the bed meet, entranced by the smooth slide of it. Hunter seems to enjoy it too given his moans.</p><p>It doesn’t take much long for Hunter’s hips to start stuttering and Killua is right alongside him. He is too pent up to last much longer as the time it took to buy the damn video already denied him for too long. With a final thrust and a “oh my god, <em>oh my god. Yes!” </em>Hunter’s body is trembling and then he’s messing the sheets below him, moaning lowly as he rides out his pleasure.</p><p>The sight is too much for Killua and he’s forced to close his eyes as he teeters off the edge as well. He’s overwhelmed as his orgasm that hits him so hard he can only throw his head back in a silent scream, his toes curling and body shaking as he jerks himself through it. By the time his orgasm is finished, he feels like a live wire, so hypersensitive he has to stop touching himself. <em>Holy shit. That was amazing</em>.</p><p>As he slowly becomes aware of his surroundings again, buzzing with endorphins, Killua has the state of mind to realise the video’s still going. With keen eyes, he sees Hunter roll over to face the camera, only his mouth in view. And once again Killua is surprised to see that shy smile upon his face. Almost sheepish to the fact that he just filmed himself coming for strangers on the internet to see. Killua can’t help but be endeared by it.</p><p>He eyes Hunter’s lips as the boy bids farewell, “Well that was fun guys. Hope you had as good of a time as I did. Be sure to come back for more.” Killua can practically feel the wink Hunter gives them, and then, with another small quirk of his lips- only noticeable to someone staring as hard as Killua-the video ends. </p><p>The black screen brings him back to the frigid bite of reality and looking down at the mess in his pants, his flaccid cock, and the dark spot where his come is seeping coolly through his pyjama pants, a sense of regret fills him.</p><p>Killua should <em>not</em> have done that. He really really <em>really </em>shouldn’t have done that. He doesn’t have the type of money to just idly throw away fifty bucks whenever he feels the need to let off some steam. His gut twinges with remorse for how much he’ll have to cut down on expenses for the week just because he got horny. He is not loaded. At least, not anymore.</p><p>His family is rich and he grew up with everything he could possibly need. but other than Alluka, he cut off his entire family because they’re abusive assholes. He is glad to be rid of them. But in moments like these, when he realises he’ll only be eating two-minute noodle and stale bread for a week, he mourns their wealth and financial security. That is behind him though, and he’d rather burn to death than beg his family for money. So he must face the consequences of his actions.</p><p>Filled with dread and the cold of the night chilling him to the bones, Killua just wants to fall asleep and forget everything. But disgusted by the drying come on his stomach, he braves the chilly floor to the bathroom to clean himself off. He glares at his right hand as he wipes away it away, as if that would somehow turn back time and give him his fifty dollars back. Of course, it doesn’t, and Killua just glares at his hand harder, before drying it off and deciding that he’s clean enough to face plant into his pillow and sleep.</p><p>This can all be tomorrow’s problem.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Constructive criticism/feedback is most welcome :) I'd love to know what you think!<br/>btw I hope someone out there knows where I got my title.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's been so long, I'm so sorry!! I was honestly floored by the amount of attention the first chapter got I wanted to update straight away, but I had NO idea what to do next. Luckily, I now have a rough plan written out, and I've written a bit past this chapter so hopefully the third chapter will come out faster! </p><p>I hope you enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua promised himself that he wouldn’t do it again. He <em>promised. </em>Yet here he is again, hot and flustered, trying to will down his erection, already knowing he’s going to give in.</p><p>It didn’t start off this way. His day began quite predictably (considering what he’d done the night before). He woke up ashamed, he went to work (sleep deprived, of course), he resisted the urge to kill rude customers who wanted obscene coffee orders, and he thought to himself <em>Did I really just pay money to get off? </em>The moans of Hunter echoing in the back of his mind confirmed that yes, he unequivocally had.</p><p>But one day of shame was fine. That could be passed off as a mistake. Two, however, sets him down a dangerous path of forming a habit.</p><p>He was fine until he got home. He had survived his shift by thinking of his plans for the night, which consisted of just jerking it off again to Hunter because he had already paid for the damn porn, he may as well get his money’s worth. It would almost be <em>more </em>embarrassing to simply pay for porn and <em>leave </em>it. That was what he told himself anyway.</p><p>But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was when he arrived home and checked his mail.</p><p>It comprised of the usual things. Bills. Junk mail. Dust. But there was also a postcard. From Gon.</p><p>Killua’s chest filled with warmth then, snorting slightly at how old school Gon is. Especially when he could’ve just texted him.</p><p>On the postcard was a picture of some beach Gon must’ve visited at some point in his travels. More notably, however, was the message written beside it, promptly informing him that Gon was visiting him next week. <em>Next week. </em>The postcard also had about ten kisses and hugs written below it but Killua wasn’t focusing on that. Gon was <em>visiting him</em>. And <em>soon. </em></p><p>Killua would never admit it, but he let out a sound that could almost be interpreted as a squeal (almost), and he almost ran up the stairs in excitement (again, almost).</p><p>It was when he barged into his apartment excited, heart racing, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt and wishing it were next week already that he realised that he wasn’t the only thing excited.</p><p>His jeans were feeling considerably tight.</p><p>So Killua had a problem. A big problem. And it was all because of Gon.</p><p>Killua hadn’t seen him in about a year. Their schedules just never seemed match up. Or rather, Gon was too busy travelling with his father and too excited to see the world to stay in one place like Killua had. Killua didn’t mind it of course. He had Alluka, and he had to stay long enough to escape his family and make sure she’d be safe. So he couldn’t have gone with Gon although he’d have liked to. And Gon always made sure to stay in touch, calling him at least once a week and sending him sparse emails in between. It wasn’t ideal, but it was enough.</p><p>But that wasn’t the persisting problem. The problem was that the last time Killua saw Gon, he was very different. <em>Very different. </em>He was <em>hot. </em>Killua had really tried to ignore it, because Gon was his best friend, and he still seemed so innocent and excited to see him like he always was, but Killua was in the throes of teenage hormones, and his seventeen year old brain exploded seeing him. Killua was sure he actually drooled at one point.</p><p>He can only imagine what he looks like now…</p><p>And it’s that exact thought that screws him over. What leaves him flushed and the guilt in his gut growing ever stronger. The thought of what Gon is like now. He <em>wants </em>to know, he <em>needs </em>it. He needs…</p><p>He needs to get off. Now. And FreakyHunter fits that bill perfectly.</p><p>Except when he isn’t. And seeing Hunter moaning isn’t doing anything for him because all he’s thinking about is Gon but that’s no good because there’s no way he can jerk off to his best friend.</p><p>So that’s how he’s left hot and flustered, trying to will down his erection. Because he’s not going to do it, he’s not going to touch himself thinking about Gon. Even though the idea sends a flare of heat through him. No. He stares at it, hoping to God it will just go away on it’s own. But when it becomes evident it won’t, he spends half an hour doing various things to take his mind off of it. He cleans his apartment, scrolls through reddit, eats a banana and when even that’s not enough, he just lies face up in bed staring at the ceiling.</p><p>It’s not going away.</p><p>His jeans still feel too tight and Gon would probably tease him if he were here right now and laugh at how much of a mess he is. He would smile at him looking like the sun and throw his head back in a laugh exposing his neck and adam’s apple and Killua would feel the urge to <em>lick</em> it and <em>fuck. </em>He’s even worse off than before, his jeans are so tight now it’s almost unbearable. He takes a deep breath. <em>Fuck it. </em></p><p>With a shaky breath, and the reality of what he is about to do setting in, he pulls himself out of his pants. He can’t help the groan that escapes him. He’s barely even brushed his erection yet shocks jolt down his spine. He’s already so hard and he <em>aches </em>with the urge to just touch himself, to reach that nirvana as fast as possible. But he doesn’t.</p><p>Instead, with a mixture of nervousness and arousal tugging at his gut, he opens the draw of his bedside table, and pulls out his lube and dildo. He bought it on a whim when he was horny (Killua is starting to realise he makes a lot of bad decisions when horny, the current moment being one of them). He’s never even touched himself there before, but it seemed like a great idea at the time, so he bought it.</p><p>He’s glad he did it now.</p><p>The dildo is black, relatively small and slightly curved at the tip. Killua has never had the nerve to try it before. But he’s already fucking himself over thinking about Gon, he may as well do it properly.</p><p>He wriggles out of his jeans, props himself back on his pillows, and lays the dildo and lube carefully beside him. When he opens his legs slowly, his cock hard and leaking against his stomach, he feels so turned on he might die. </p><p>He gulps, then grabs the lube and pours it over his fingers. It’s an obscene sight, he can scarcely believe that they will be inside him soon. He takes a deep breath and lowers his hand. </p><p>His first impression is that it’s cold. And he’s disappointed that’s his immediate thought. There’s no sparks, no earth-shattering sensations. Just the touch of his fingers pressing lightly against himself. But he knows this will feel good eventually, he researched it once, he just needs to find his prostate.</p><p>He uses his other hand to lightly stroke himself, stirring the heat inside him then begins rubbing himself in slow circles until, eventually, he’s able to push his finger in slightly. It’s a foreign sensation. Uncomfortable. And despite himself, he wishes it were Gon, that it were <em>his</em> fingers pressing down on him. And with that thought, he slides his finger further into himself, breath stuttering as he does so. It still doesn’t feel good but it’s not horrible.</p><p>Killua thinks Gon would probably be a very attentive lover. He’s so passionate and dedicated in every other aspect of his life, surely, he would be the same in bed.</p><p>Killua’s cheeks burn just thinking about it. Gon would probably kiss him and murmur sweet assurances hot in his ear. He would say <em>You</em><em>’re doing so well for me </em>in that deep voice of his Killua’s heard over the phone and that he has thought about way too much. Killua gasps as he suddenly pushes in a second finger.</p><p>He probably isn’t ready- he <em>knows </em>he isn’t ready. He’s stretching himself too far too quickly, and it burns slightly but if he can imagine it’s <em>Gon</em><em>’s </em>fingers, <em>Gon </em>whispering to him then he doesn’t matter at all, not one bit. Then he crooks his fingers and he can’t think at all. The pleasure ripples through him, leaving him shaking and whimpering with just one brush.</p><p>“Oh!” he gasps out loud, unable to hold himself back. Then he brushes that spot again and it’s just as good as before and <em>Holy shit, that is so fucking good. </em>Killua can hardly believe what’s happening as he brushes it again and again, shocks of pleasure jolting through his body. He can’t help but rock his hips back and forth fucking himself with his own fingers, just to get <em>deeper. </em></p><p>A low moan escapes him, and he can hardly recognise his own voice. He sounds wild and <em>desperate. </em>And its because he is, he is <em>so desperate. </em>He <em>needs </em>this, he needs to keep feeling that absolutely amazing pleasure again and again, because there’s no stopping now.</p><p>Thankfully, there’s no longer any burning or discomfort as he scissors himself and reaches deeper and deeper. There’s only the delicious heat pooling in his gut.</p><p>By the time he fits in a third finger, his cock is aching hard and leaking everywhere. He hasn’t even touched it, yet it feels more sensitive than it ever has. And he’s moaning. Loudly. Head thrown back as he shoves his fingers inside himself. <em>More, </em>he thinks, he needs more. It’s overwhelming and wonderful but it’s not <em>enough. </em></p><p>He eyes his dildo and his cock twitches just looking at it, at imagining what it will feel like inside him.</p><p>But he doesn’t have to only imagine.</p><p>When he slips his fingers out of himself, he feels empty. It’s an odd feeling, but he knows he’ll be filled again soon.</p><p>He’s hit with a bout of nervousness as he stares at the dildo. He’s just had three fingers inside him, but it’s still considerably bigger. It’s intimidating. Despite his nerves, however, heat pools downward in anticipation. He knows what he has to do.</p><p>Gulping, he kneels on his bed and places the dildo behind him, then slowly he lowers himself down onto it. He clenches his jaw and squeezes his eyes as the tip pushes in, and it’s impossible to think about anything but how <em>full </em>he is.</p><p><em>“Fuckkkk,” </em>he moans. Despite it not being the largest dildo he’s even seen, it feels so <em>big</em>. He’s about to stop and just take a breather, scared of pushing it in any further, but then he imagines it’s Gon below him, looking up at him with his kind brown eyes and those broad fucking shoulders and before he knows it Killua’s slammed himself down, impaling the dildo completely inside him.</p><p><em>“Oh my god.” </em>Sparks fly pass his eyes, and he’s moaning so loudly he’s sure the whole apartment complex can hear him. And he went too fast and it’s slightly uncomfortable, but he doesn’t care, it still feels so <em>good. </em></p><p>”Oh <em>fuck.</em><em>”  </em>Like this, with the dildo deep inside him, it easily rubs against that incredible spot so that just a simple movement or inhale of breath electrifies Killua to his core and <em>fuck. </em>If it feels this good just being inside him, he’s slightly scared of how it will feel when he’s moving.</p><p>Nevertheless, anticipation ripping through him, he shakily lifts himself, pauses, then slams down again.</p><p><em>Holy fucking shit. </em>Like this, upright and kneeling, it hits his prostate directly and he doesn’t think he’s felt anything so good in his life. His entire body tingles with pleasure, and he feels like a bomb about to go off any second. The rush of sensations makes him unable to control himself, so he impales himself again and again, uncaring that he feels like a wild animal, gasping and moaning like his life depends on it. He usually tries to stay quiet while masturbating but the way that bundle of nerves lights his whole body on fire is better than anything he’s ever imagined.</p><p>His thighs begin straining, but he pays it no mind. He just slams himself down again and again, gasping every time, until he accidentally leans backs slightly causing him to slam down in a different angle and <em>oh</em>. This way, the curved tip of the dildo hits <em>just so</em> that it somehow manages to stimulate his prostate even more than before, and it’s so good. Its <em>so so good</em>. His cock is so hard it leans against his stomach, and he can’t believe he’s never done this before. How could he have not done this before? It should be considered a crime to have not done so.</p><p>With a particularly good thrust, he throws his head back and whines. “Gon!”</p><p>He wishes it were Gon here. He yearns for the sharpness of his jaw, the strength of his arms, the earnestness of his eyes and the sweetness of his smile. He’s seen recent photos of him and they <em>ruin</em> Killua.</p><p>Killua loved him as a kid. He still loves him. But Gon was his first crush. He was how Killua knew he was gay. And he’s been pining for him for years now. When he was thirteen, he dreamed of playing with his hair, hugging him tightly and kissing him. Every day. So when Killua saw what Gon looks like now, he felt like he was hit by a brick.</p><p>And now it’s only a week until he sees Gon again, and his heart and cock pound simultaneously just thinking of it.</p><p>He can imagine it’s Gon, who he’s loved since forever, who’s below him, thrusting into him with his strong lean body, giving him so much pleasure. And it so good, so fucking good. His head thrown back, he imagines Gon’s complimentary words<em>. You’re doing such a good job, Killua, so hot pretty for me</em>. Killua gasps. <em>Keep going, baby. Keep making those pretty moans</em>. And Killua does. He whines, high and loud as his chest bursts in his chest and his cock throbs, and then he’s putting a hand around himself and he’s coming.</p><p>He tightens around the dildo and fireworks explode behind his eyelids as his orgasm hits. “Gon!”</p><p>He continues fucking himself, riding through wave after wave of pleasure, body trembling, and thighs shaking, until finally he’s so sensitive he can’t.</p><p>Shakily, he lifts himself off, and slumps into his bed. <em>Holy shit</em>, he thinks. <em>Holy shit. </em></p><p>Killua can’t believe it. If it weren’t for the black dildo below him, shiny from having just been inside him, he’d think it were all just some insane dream. But it’s not. And although his body is lethargic from the amazing orgasm his mind is wracked with guilt.</p><p>On his bedside table, lies the postcard, and he stares at it with shame.  He is on a streak now. Yesterday he paid for porn and today he jerked off to his best friend.</p><p>Great.</p><p>Sticky, he changes his sheets (because he is <em>not</em> sleeping on a wet bed) then showers. He feels slightly better after, less dirty. But he still feels horrible sensation of betraying Gon. Of breaking his trust. He doesn’t know how he’ll be able to face him.</p><p>Still, seeing the post card sends a thrill through him. He gets to see Gon soon. And nothing he can do can ruin that. Not when he’s been wanting it for so long.</p><p>Killua doesn’t think a day has past since Gon left that he hasn’t thought of him. He hoped his less than convenient crush on him would pass with time, but it has only left him starved and wanting for more.</p><p>His chest flutters. In only a week he’ll see Gon’s smile again.</p><p>That night Killua sends Gon a smiley face emoji for no reason other than he knows he likes it. Killua just wants to make him happy. He doesn’t dare mention what happened, even when Gon replies excitedly asking him how his day went, he just gives him a basic answer.</p><p>Killua just hopes he can forgive him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Any comment/concrit is very welcome :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The week leading up to seeing Gon is the slowest of Killua’s life. He spends every morning waking up from a delightful dream of seeing Gon, only to be plunged back into the cold and disappointing reality of having to wait. The minutes drag and the hours even more so, making even one shift at the cafe feel like an eternity.</p><p>Killua messes up more than a few orders and earns a glare from his boss with all of his Gon-centred daydreaming. But he can’t help it - this is the boy he <em>loves, </em>his best friend, his light, his everything, and he’s finally seeing him again in only a few days.</p><p>It’s all so cheesy. Killua knows that if he heard his thoughts said aloud by another person, he would vomit from how sappy and over the top they sound, but the beating of his heart doesn’t lie. His thoughts are genuine. And it’s almost terrifying the depth his feelings go.</p><p>To not feel insane thinking about it, Killua spends his free time trying to distract himself - he runs until he tastes something like blood in his throat, he studies (because he’d rather not delight his family in failing), and he masturbates. A lot. Killua doesn’t let himself think of Gon again - Hunter is enough to satisfy him. But he feels a bit pathetic. He needs to get laid some day. He doesn’t want to live the rest of his life without knowing what it feels like to be with someone. He knows he could find someone to do it with easily but that small, sappy and disgustingly sentimental part of him wants his first time to be with Gon. Pathetic, he knows. But it’s the only way he’s ever imagined it being. Even it means he’ll be a virgin forever.</p><p>Besides getting himself off an unhealthy amount, Killua meets up with Alluka. Of course, not mentioning any of that. He’d rather not scar her.</p><p>Meeting up with her is something Killua always looks forward to. Amidst the seemingly endless monotony of life without Gon, Alluka is a beaming horizon, always there for him. So usually he loves seeing her. But the look she gives him after he tells her of Gon visiting is anything but desirable. Its irritating, and he kind of feels like he’s going to combust, his cheeks feel so hot. Of course its because Alluka, unfortunately, knows about his massive crush for Gon. She found out the moment she first saw them together when they they were twelve. Gon may have been oblivious enough not to notice Killua’s puppy eyes and constant doting, but Alluka wasn’t. And Killua’s been having to deal with her onslaught of teasing ever since. Even all these years after.</p><p>Killua’s only saved from her barrage of teasing when he gets her on the topic of her baking. She promises to make Gon a welcome cake, and starts mumbling frantically about the kind of decorations and frosting she wants to use. Killua’s chest fills with adoration as he watches her frenzied excitement - like she always does when she talks about baking. She wants to create a business one day out of it. Killua knows she can do it. He feels so lucky to have a sister like her.</p><p>As each day gets closer to Killua seeing Gon again, Killua and Gon message each other non stop. Each notification sends a thrill through Killua. He probably looks like a love sick idiot each time his phone vibrates, grinning as hard he does, but that would be because its true. Killua loves everything about Gon, from his excessive amount of emojis, to the way he radiates light in everything he does. He is kind, and generous, and loyal. Killua is a mere spark and Gon is the blooming fire.</p><p>Killua knows he needs to do the time he has with Gon justice. Gon never tells him how long he’s staying (the one time Killua asked, he received a vague response), but on the odd chance its only for a few days, Killua has jam packed his schedule with as many things to do with Gon as possible.</p><p>He doesn’t deserve Gon, but he can do his best to do right by him. And so Killua continues to daydream every day, thinking of Gon.</p><p>~</p><p>The day of Gon’s arrival is surreal. </p><p>Killua drives to the airport, his gut twisting and pulling in anticipation. He can hardly believe it. He feels like he’s dreaming. The idea of seeing Gon again after a year feels unreal. They’ve been separated so long Killua almost fears he’s imagined Gon up entirely. But that can’t be true. Without Gon Killua wouldn’t have had the courage to leave his family, he wouldn’t have been able to live the life he does, Killua would be nothing without Gon.</p><p>And then Killua knows Gon is real when he arrives at the airport, his wallet significantly lighter due to the horribly expensive parking, and with a phone  notification from Gon telling him his plane has landed.</p><p>Heart racing Killua waits outside the baggage area of Gon’s terminal.</p><p>The people cycle out, faces blurring as he scans for the one he’s looking for. Killua watches as other people reunite with their families and friends, gut tugging at the fact that <em>that will be him soon. </em></p><p>He waits for longer than he’d like - the itch to see Gon becomes unbearable and the fluorescent lights of the airport glaring into his eyes threaten to give him a headache. It’s probably Killua’s own fault, he has barely blinked while waiting, too eager for the moment of seeing Gon’s head amongst the crowd.</p><p>And so Killua looks away for only a moment. Just to give his eyes a break. It’s when he flicks his eyes to massive glass windows of the airport that someone suddenly comes up behind him and yells, “Boo!”</p><p>Killua almost doubles over in shock. And, in his surprise, he trips over his own feet. In the moment gravity takes over, Killua can’t help but curse whoever scared him. He’d rather not have Gon see him lying on the dirty airplane floor, but now that’s a likely possibility. But instead of hitting the ground, Killua finds himself falling into warm, strong arms.</p><p>Killua blinks.</p><p>Looking down at him, only inches from his face, are big and incredibly brown eyes, a mock of green hair, and a smile that’s blinding.</p><p>
  <em>Gon. </em>
</p><p>Killua’s heart stutters. And then, before he can even fully process what just happened, Killua throws himself at Gon and squeezes him tight. As tight as he can, if not because it’s what he’s been dreaming of for days but to prove that this is <em>real, </em>that Gon is <em>here. </em>And he is, because Killua can feel and hold him, and Killua has never felt like this in so long. Like everything is right in the world.</p><p>Gon is squeezing back just as tight, and it’s pure bliss. Gon is warm against him and he smells like cinnamon and earth, and Killua swears he can feel Gon’s heart beating just as fast as his own.</p><p>They stay like that for a long time, just wrapped up in each other’s embrace. And Killua never wants it to stop.</p><p>Killua doesn’t know how long it lasts, but eventually he feels Gon’s chest start rumbling with what must be a laugh, because Gon (disappointingly) pulls back and beams another bright smile at him. Killua doesn’t think he’s ever seen a smile to look so attractive before.</p><p>Killua suddenly realises that his cheeks are hurting from his own smile and he, horrifyingly, has tears running down them.</p><p>Hurriedly he wipes then down, hoping to God they weren’t too noticeable. And then, without much thought at all, he punches Gon in the arm. Hard. He takes small pleasure in Gon’s proceeding wince and whine. It reminds Killua of when they were younger. When they were together all the time.</p><p>“I finally see you and you decide to scare me? What the hell, Gon!”</p><p>Gon lets out an sheepish smile, rubbing the spot where Killua punched him. “Sorry Killua, it was too good of an opportunity.” His smile turns wicked. “You never saw it coming.”</p><p>Killua frowns. “Of course, I didn’t, I was looking in the other direction!”</p><p>Gon pouts, and Killua it’s so shockingly familiar that Killua’s stomach flutters. “Aw Killua, you weren’t even looking for me?”</p><p>“I was. But you decided to take forever.”</p><p>Gon laughs. “Aw, sorry about that too, but I couldn’t find my luggage! And then some random decided to stand on the luggage conveyor belt and it was really too entertaining not to watch.”</p><p>“You left me out here waiting for that?” Killua deadpans.</p><p>“Yeah…” Gon says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Forgive me?”</p><p>“You really are an idiot, aren’t you.”</p><p>“Killua!” Gon whines. “That’s so mean!”</p><p>“You’re a massive, bumbling, idiot,” Killua continues and Gon opens his mouth to let out another complaint but Killua interrupts him. “But yes, I forgive you.”</p><p>They stare for a moment, the air heavy between them, before the tension breaks and they grin stupidly at each other. And suddenly then they’re hugging again, their chests rumbling with a laugh. It’s wonderful and Killua is again hit with the desire to never ever let go. If he had a wish from a genie right now, it would be to superglue them together, no matter how weird that sounds. To Killua’s displeasure, however, Gon cuts it off after only a few moments.</p><p>Killua can’t be too annoyed, however, because Gon is still touching him, holding him out by the shoulders.</p><p>“It’s so amazing to see you, Killua, really. I’ve really missed you so so much,” Gon says, his eyes so warm and kind Killua feels like he’s burning. “I probably should’ve said that before, you know, scaring you so bad you fell over.”</p><p>“Hey, you didn’t scare me that bad,” Killua argues, despite knowing that’s exactly what happened. Gon, infuriatingly, seems to know too if his knowing grin is any indication. “But… I really missed you too.”</p><p>Gon’s smile widens and Killua feels like he can’t breathe.</p><p>Someone with too much luggage walks past, nudging Killua slightly, and Killua is hit with the realisation that they’ve just been standing in the middle of a busy terminal for several minutes.</p><p>“We probably should get to my car.”</p><p>Gon nods.</p><p>They head out of the airport, their sides brushing with each step and making Killua’s mind go crazy. Gon keeps giving him these warm and intense glances, like he wants to burn his appearance into his memory, and Killua has never felt so bare before.</p><p>Wanting to stop feeling so exposed, Killua speaks. “This wasn’t really how I expected our reunion to go.”</p><p>Gon lets out an amused hum. “Oh really? How’d you expect it to go?”</p><p>“Well definitely <em>not </em>with you scaring the living daylights out of me, that’s for sure.”</p><p>Gon laughs and Killua loves it so much he would be happy to die right here, if that were the last thing he ever hears.</p><p>They make it to the car, and Killua’s ears burn when Gon points out the Chocorobo wrapper on the floor of the passenger seat.</p><p>“Never got rid of that addiction, huh?” Gon teases.</p><p>“Obviously not,” Killua says, trying his hardest not to blush.</p><p>Killua doesn’t even know why he’s so embarrassed. It’s not a bad thing to like chocolate, but Gon keeps looking at him and it’s making Killua feel so raw and vulnerable and- shit he needs to focus on driving he thinks, as he almost backs out into another car trying to get out of the parking spot.</p><p>Killua is just starting to calm down slightly when Gon connects his phone to the car and starts singing with a horribly out of tune voice (but still so <em>so </em>endearing) to old Katy Perry songs.</p><p>‘What the hell,” Killua says, amusement lining his voice without his control. “What are you, a twelve year old girl? Why are we listening to Katy Perry?”</p><p>“Because she’s amazing!” Gon yells in between lyrics of kissing a girl and liking it.</p><p>“You’re so dumb,” Killua says, shaking his head. Unable to stop the smile on his face.</p><p>They spend the rest of the ride listening to Gon’s horrible music, without talking or doing anything of substance, and Killua loves it. He hasn’t felt this happy in years. Not since he last saw Gon.</p><p>They finally arrive at Killua’s house, nighttime in full swing, and Killua takes Gon’s luggage up the stairs, even when Gon complains he can do it himself.</p><p>Entering his apartment, Killua is so glad he cleaned up before he left, it was an absolute mess beforehand. Especially considering Gon deserves a clean space to rest. Looking at Gon closer now, dark smudges under his eyes, Killua realises Gon is in dire need for sleep. Killua doesn’t know how he missed it before - actually probably because Gon was so hyper in the car. But now that Killua can get a full look of him, Gon definitely needs some rest.</p><p>“Wanna play Mario Kart or something?” Gon beams, despite the tiredness of his eyes. “I see you have it!” He darts his eyes to Killua’s small collection of games in the corner of the room.</p><p>Killua eyes the clock. It’s almost midnight.</p><p>“Don’t you need to sleep? You had a long flight.”</p><p>“Why would I sleep when I can hang out with you?”</p><p>Gon’s honesty makes Killua feel like the wind’s been punched out of him. And all Killua can think is that he really, really loves him.</p><p>“While that may be true, what fun is there in playing with a zombie? You look practically dead of sleepiness.”</p><p>Gon pouts.</p><p>“We can hang out plenty tomorrow, okay? We have plenty of time,” Killua says before he freezes. He actually doesn’t know how much time they have. Gon never said. Killua opens his mouth to ask but Gon speaks before he can utter a word.</p><p>“So where will I be sleeping?” he pipes up, despite the sleepiness layering his voice.</p><p>Killua stiffens, hypothetical images of them together in his bed, limbs entangled, and doing things to each other that friends definitely should not do, invading his mind.</p><p>Killua shakes his head slightly, trying to ward off his inappropriate thoughts. “Uh… You’ll be sleeping in my bed, and I’ll be sleeping on the couch.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes widen. “I don’t want to steal you’re bed, that’s not fair on you. I’ll be fine sleeping on the couch.”</p><p>“Shut up, Gon,” Killua says, perhaps too harshly. “You’re sleeping in my bed and that’s the end of it.”</p><p>“Okay! Okay!” Gon says, raising his hands up in surrender. “You’re scary when you’re motherly you know.”</p><p>“<em>Motherly? </em>How am I motherly?”</p><p>“You scold like a mother is all.”</p><p>Gon is staring at him again, amused and intense at the same time, and Killua both wants to scream at Gon to stop and beg for him to continue. Instead, he pretends that his mind isn’t at war with itself.</p><p>“Whatever. Now get ready for bed, you’re so tired you look like you’re about to fall over.”</p><p>“There it is again with the motherliness!”</p><p>“That’s not a word!”</p><p>“It so is!”</p><p>~</p><p>Killua eventually gets Gon into his pyjamas - not in the way he would’ve hoped in his mind. Instead, it’s behind his bathroom door, distant and sadly out of sight.</p><p>But the vision that is revealed to Killua after Gon leaves the bathroom is anything disappointing. Gon is all soft and warm-looking clad in pyjamas. Killua has the urge to ruffle his hair and soothe out the tired lines in his face.</p><p>Summoning all of the meager self control he has left, Killua manages not to. Instead they say goodnight to each other before heading into their separate rooms.</p><p>“Good night, Killua.”</p><p>“Good night, Gon.”</p><p>Flopping into his couch, and wincing slightly at something hard nudging into his back, ignoring it, Killua thinks about everything that just happened. One thing stands out in his mind. Gon is here, Gon is here, Gon is here!</p><p>It all felt so normal, like nothing had changed between them. Gon is still Gon, and it makes Killua happier than he ever could’ve imagined to know that. Despite Gon’s travels, despite experiencing things Killua never could possibly imagine, he’s still so sweet and kind and <em>Gon. </em></p><p>But one thing definitely has changed. And it’s something that Killua tried to ignore the entire day for the sake of normalcy and their friendship. Gon is <em>hot. </em></p><p>From the moment Killua fell into his arms (something he still can’t believe happened), Killua hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. He is <em>beautiful. </em>Tall, with bronze skin, muscular arms, and a breathtakingly beautiful smile.</p><p>Gon was hot a year ago, but he somehow managed to get even moreso. And Killua doesn’t know how he’s going to handle it. Every time he looked at him directly today, Killua felt like he couldn’t breathe. And that’s terrible, so so terrible, because how can he possibly hide his feelings from Gon now? How can he when he crumbles from a single glance from him?</p><p>And if that happens, if Gon finds out Killua’s feelings… Killua doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle it.</p><p>Killua knows Gon loves him. And he knows Gon is kind and wonderful and most of all not homophobic. But there’s no way things will ever be the same if he finds out.</p><p>Gon wouldn’t completely drop him as friends - he’s too loyal for that - but he would probably start distancing himself bit by bit and Killua would just have to watch from afar, having to accept it, as each bit kills him inside. Because Gon will never love him the way Killua wants him to. And Killua would be foolish to even contemplate the idea.</p><p>If Gon finds out Killua will only be rejected. So it is essential that Killua keeps his shit together to ensure that never happens.</p><p>Killua just hopes that the way Gon affected him today was just a byproduct of not having seen him for a year. Hopefully tomorrow it’ll be less intense, less blinding.</p><p>It’s probably a futile thought, but he will take anything right now. Especially when his body is reacting in ways that is definitely not respectable. With that in mind, Killua raises his head slightly and looks down at himself. More specifically, the bulge that is obscenely evident in his pyjamas.</p><p>He is <em>not </em>going to jerk off with Gon in the other room, he is <em>not </em>going to jerk off with Gon in the other room. He keeps repeating that mantra in his mind as he tries to will down his erection. It takes longer than he’d like but eventually it eases.</p><p>Killua falls asleep to something digging uncomfortably in his back, and the thought of Gon’s smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry for the lack of smut, but I hope the Killua and Gon interactions made up for it. I hope you especially enjoyed how overdramatic and useless Killua is around Gon xD</p><p>Thanks to the two guest users who commented on the last chapter, they made me realise how long it’s been since I last updated and got my butt in gear.</p><p>I think I'll probably update this fic about once a month. I know it's not much but uni is killing me right now and that's all I can handle. I'll try my best to get it out faster though!</p><p>Again thank you to everyone who commented last chapter, I really appreciate any and all feedback :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What?? An update after only a day?? Who am I right now?? </p><p>So I had a massive burst of inspiration and somehow got this written. Should be doing uni work, but this is more fun! (don't be me kids) </p><p>Anyways, look forward to Killua being a mess over Gon! (but let's be honest, when is he not?)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua wakes to his alarm blaring and a massive pain in his back. He groans, ready to let out a litany of complaints, but stops when he realises who is in his apartment.</p><p>Killua doesn’t hear any movement - no creaks of the floorboard, no racket in the bathroom, no needy Gon saying “Killuaaaa” - so Gon must still be asleep. Good. He needed it after the long trip he had.</p><p>Killua springs off of the couch, wincing slightly in pain, but he pushes through it and stretches. Popping his back with a stretch Killua looks out the window.</p><p>9:00am sun falls into the apartment in narrow pillars, the light slightly blocked by the window shutters, and judging from the clear blue Killua can see from in between them, it’s a sunny day. Perfect.</p><p>Stretching one more time with a satisfying pop, Killua pads toward the kitchen.</p><p>First things first for today! Pancakes!</p><p>It was the first thing thought of when Killua found out Gon was staying over. The image of a freshly woken Gon, eyes wide with excitement over a stack of pancakes was too good to pass up. And Killua has looked forward to it ever since. Besides, Gon deserves pancakes so he’s going to get pancakes. Pretty simple logic in Killua’s mind.</p><p>Killua quickly falls into the steady rhythm of making the pancakes, enjoying the crack of the eggs, the smell of the vanilla essence, the flour on his hands. Alluka always loved pancakes which meant that he gained plenty of practice making them for her before she got older and became obsessed with baking on her own. He was happy for her to take all the cooking into her hands whenever they were together, but he has sort of missed it. He misses the satisfaction he gets from adding the ingredients and creating the batter, and even moreso the sizzling of the pan. The entire process is so soothing.</p><p>Killua is in the midst of flipping a pancake when he hears the creak of a door.</p><p>Gon.</p><p>Making sure the pancake lands safely on the pan, Killua turns to greet him only to be immediately struck dumb.</p><p>Gon looks soft, so incredibly and wonderfully soft Killua might explode from just how much he wants to hold him, wrap him up and never let go.</p><p>Killua was so so wrong to think that Gon might be less attractive today, to even dare to hope that he wouldn’t be as affected by him. So incredibly wrong. In fact, it now may be worse, because now it’s daytime, and Killua can see the full extent of his beauty.</p><p>His hair is sticking up on one side, evidence of which side he slept on, his eyes are doe eyed and sleepy, and his stupid teddy bear pyjamas are rumpled in a way that make him look so <em>cute. </em></p><p>Killua finds he can’t say a single word.</p><p>Luckily, he doesn’t have to because he’s further blessed with the sound of Gon’s sleepy voice, all grumbly and adorable. “’Morning Killua, what smells so good?”</p><p>“That smell,” Killua says, “is the pancakes.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes fly open in excitement just like how Killua always imagined, except its better. Because in all of Killua’s fantasies, he couldn’t have possibly imagined the way Gon’s hair glows in the morning light, or the the spark of his eye, or the dimple in his cheek as he smiles.</p><p>Killua’s imagination could not measure up to the real Gon at all.</p><p>“You’re amazing, Killua! Thank you!”</p><p>Face burning Killua just hopes Gon interprets his red cheeks as a consequence of him being hot from the stove and not from Killua waxing poetic about the exact details of his face under the morning light.</p><p>“It’s no problem,” Killua says, then turns back to the pancakes because he doesn’t think he can bear looking at Gon any further. It’s like staring at the sun, do it too much and you go blind.</p><p>Apparently, however, Gon doesn’t understand this need because he appears by Killua’s side, staring curiously at the pan, and way too close for his own good. Killua can practically feel Gon’s breath on his neck as Gon leans over his shoulder to watch him pour another batch of batter onto the pan.</p><p>“They look so good,” Gon says.</p><p>Gon’s voice is rumbly and deep and filled with want (for the pancakes but Killua’s body doesn’t know that) and the sound tugs at Killua’s gut in a way that’s not acceptable amongst friends. Blood rushing downward, Killua realises he has to get him away before it gets any worse.</p><p>“Sit down, Gon. I can’t cook if you’re all up in my space.”</p><p>Gon whines slightly, and Killua can practically hear the pout in his voice. “But I wanna watch.”</p><p>“Too bad.” Killua has to be tough on him or else something downstairs will become much too obvious.</p><p>“Fine,” Gon says, and Killua wonders how the hell he is an adult when he can sound so much like a petulant child. And then Killua has to also wonder why that doesn’t put him off at all, and what that means about the extent of his feelings for Gon.</p><p>Killua shakes his head. If he thinks about that too much he’ll go insane. Instead he focuses on the pancakes. And quickly, he falls into his rhythm again, body calming down, all the while listening to Gon ramble about his dream of riding a dolphin and seeing a mermaid, until finally the pancakes are ready.</p><p>Seeing the steaming stack of pancakes, Gon’s eyes widen again. Killua starts to wonder how they aren’t falling out of their sockets, but gets distracted when Gon starts to thank him again and again, a massive smile of gratitude on his face. Then all Killua can do is watch as Gon begins to stuff his mouth with pancake.</p><p>Like this, Killua can appreciate Gon entirely. So invested Gon is in eating, he won’t notice if Killua spends more than an acceptable amount of time watching him. Killua supposes he should be disgusted at how quickly and messily Gon eats, crumbs dotting his cheeks and he puts enough maple syrup on his pancakes to get a scolding from the dentist, but instead he finds it endearing.</p><p>Only Gon could get Killua to enjoy watching someone stuff their face so much they’re at risk of choking.</p><p>Apparently Killua didn’t give Gon enough credit when he thought this would be a perfect opportunity to just watch him without being caught because suddenly Gon stops eating and stares at him in surprise. Mouth still full of pancake he says, “Why aren’t you eating?”</p><p>“Uhh,” Killua scrambles for an excuse. “Just wasn’t that hungry.”</p><p>Gon freezes, and Killua knows he’s caught.</p><p>“No way that’s true, Killua,” Gon says, smiling. “You’re always hungry, even if you won’t admit it. I may eat a lot, but no one can eat the amount of Chocorobots you can.”</p><p>“Stop going on about the Chocorobots,” Killua mumbles.</p><p>“Never,” Gon pauses. “Just eat. You don’t need to hide anything from me.”</p><p>And just like that, Killua places his own pancake onto his plate, and he’s glad, because his stomach begins to rumble in hunger. Gon knows him too well - Killua doesn’t know how he thought he could’ve gotten away with it now. Perhaps a few years ago, but Gon seems to have become more perceptive. Interesting.</p><p>As they eat Killua can’t help but indulge himself in looking at Gon again. His hair is still messy, and Killua just wants to run his hand through it, test to see if its as thick as it looks. Perhaps see what it feels like beneath him as Gon sucks him off-</p><p>Okay enough of that.</p><p>Innocent thoughts, Killua. Innocent thoughts.</p><p>He shoves in another mouthful of pancake to distract himself.</p><p>In between bites, Gon starts talking about another dream he had about running away from an erupting volcano, but his words start to fade into the background. All Killua can think of is how much he likes this. How much he wants this moment to be forever. He wants wake to a rumpled Gon, and feed him anything he wants, and just <em>see </em>him, everyday. But that’s not possible. Because this is temporary. Gon will eventually leave to work and to travel and do many other things that are much more exciting than Killua.</p><p>His veins run cold and he glances back up at Gon.</p><p>Killua just needs to appreciate him as much as possible and never take his eyes off of him. Killua doesn’t know why Gon has been avoiding the topic of the length of his stay, but he can only assume its because Gon doesn’t want to disappoint him. It’s most likely he can only stay for a few days. The idea breaks something within Killua. He hates goodbyes. And he hates that Gon will be ripped away from him again before long. But it’ll have to be enough.</p><p>~</p><p>Gon grabs the dishes and begins cleaning them before Killua can stop him. It’s so domestic, seeing Gon with dish gloves on and bubbles up to his wrists, and Killua thinks Gon could look good anywhere, wearing anything.</p><p>Killua is snapped out of his thoughts when Gon speaks.</p><p>“So what are we getting up to today?”</p><p>Killua thinks to his to-do list, several dot points long, and his itinerary hidden in his wardrobe. He has planned a lot.</p><p>“You’ll just have to see.”</p><p>“Oo exciting,” Gon says, then pauses. “Why do I feel like I’m about to be dunked by slime at some point today.”</p><p>Killua rolls his eyes. “That only happened <em>once.</em><em>”</em></p><p>“Yeah, and I’ll never forget it! I was still finding slime on my body a week later! In my toes, Killua! In my toes!”</p><p>Gon obviously tries to gesticulate his outrage with his hands because some soapy water flows out of the sink and onto the kitchen bench.</p><p>“That’s not my fault. You obviously didn’t wash yourself thoroughly enough.”</p><p>“No, I did! I swear it <em>came back.</em><em>”</em></p><p>“You’re ridiculous,” Killua laughs. “Anyways, I’m not going to tell you where we’re going until we’re there, so there’s no point in trying.”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to do that.”</p><p>“You so were.”</p><p>Gon pauses, then lets out a massive grin. “Maybe I was.”</p><p>“See,” Killua says, shaking his head in amusement. “Get dressed by the way, we really should be leaving soon.”</p><p>Gon take off the dish gloves, and Killua’s eyes dart to his hands. They’re surprisingly graceful for someone who works outside a lot. Long, graceful, and with barely a blemish. Then Gon speaks, and Killua quickly looks to Gon’s eyes with a blush. </p><p>“Anything I need to wear in particular?”</p><p>“Nope, anything but the pyjamas you have on is fine,” Killua says, eyeing the teddy bear ensemble Gon has going on in distaste.</p><p>“Oh, so I can go naked?”</p><p>Killua’s face immediately burns. Uninhibited images of Gon walking around without clothes, body bare to all invades his mind with excessive eagerness. He quickly tries to block them out in order to avoid an awkward situation. “W-What the hell, Gon! Of course not!”</p><p>“I was just teasing,” Gon says, smiling cheekily.</p><p>“Well stop. It’s not funny.” Killua might actually die if Gon keeps going. His heart is beating so fast he’s at risk of a cardiac arrest. And Killua has the distinct feeling that Gon is enjoying Killua’s response, if the way his eyes, all eager and warm looking, scan his face.</p><p>“Sorry, Killua.” Gon says, but his smile is unabashed and unapologetic.</p><p>“Whatever, just get ready.”</p><p>~</p><p>On the way to the mystery destination, Gon again blesses them (and Killua means that in the most sarcastic way possible) with another round of Katy Perry songs, only today with the addition of Taylor Swift. Wonderful.</p><p>“Just how many times can someone say ‘shake it off’ in one song?” Killua complains.</p><p>“Apparently a lot!” Gon beams, before enthusiastically joining the chorus for another excessive amount of ‘shake it off’s’.</p><p>~</p><p>Killua wanted to keep the destination a secret right towards the very end, but Gon spots the rides sticking out over the park walls straight away.</p><p>“We’re going to a theme park!?” Gon exclaims, practically bouncing up and down in his seat.</p><p>Killua smiles. Gon’s enthusiasm is contagious, and when Gon is happy, Killua is happy. “Yep! I got us tickets for the whole day!”</p><p>Gon gasps in happiness then proceeds to roll down the car window and stick his head out of it, just like an excited puppy. The more Killua thinks about it, the more he can imagine Gon as an over excitable Labrador - the way he vibrates in his seat looks almost as if he were wagging his tail.</p><p>When Killua struggles to find a parking, Gon grows impatient, beginning to whine about about it being so busy, and looking just about ready to just jump out the window and run. Killua doesn’t understand how he has so much energy, it almost rivals the amount they had as kids. Killua doesn’t have an ounce as much.</p><p>But then Killua finally finds a park, and Gon is leaping out the door and heading towards the entrance. Following him, Killua finds he does have energy to do certain things when it comes to Gon.</p><p>The entrance is of a massive clown face, it’s mouth giving way to the inside of the park. It’s teeth are huge, and it’s eyes even more so. Killua can’t help but think its creepy. But it doesn’t deter him nor everyone else. Dozens of people mill about the entrance and the excitement is tangible in the air.</p><p>Killua is so wrapped up in looking at the clown face that he isn’t prepared for when Gon grabs him around the shoulders, presses him to his chest and takes a selfie. Killua does his best to smile through the pounding of his chest and make it not too obvious that he is completely over heels for Gon in the photo. It’s a hard task. Killua doesn’t know successful he is, if at all.</p><p>But then Gon lets him go, seemingly oblivious the red of Killua’s cheeks, and turns to take another picture of the entrance without them in it. Killua simply watches, still trying to recover from the sudden closeness to Gon.</p><p>Gon turns to look at him, apparently interpreting Killua’s flustration as confusion, and says, “We gotta capture the moment, you know?”</p><p>“Yeah… of course,” Killua mumbles.</p><p>Luckily Killua paid for the tickets beforehand so they don't have to wait in the monstrous line, and they quickly make it inside. Children run around unsupervised, the screams of terrified people on the rides sound from above, laughs from giddy people, children and adults alike, reverberate in Killua’s ears. It’s pure unadulterated chaos. And it’s awesome. Gon seems to think the same judging from his smile and Killua is struck with the urge to kiss him.</p><p>But then Gon takes him by his hand (Alert! Alert! Alert! blares in Killua’s mind) and drags him towards the nearest ride.</p><p>“Come on, Killua! We can’t waste any time, we gotta go on each ride at least twice to make the price of the tickets worth it!”</p><p>Killua lets himself be dragged along, proud of himself for making Gon so happy, and tries to abate the beating of his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's all fluff again basically, but don't worry I'll get to the good stuff soon:)</p><p>Also apparently the noun for flustered is flustration?? So that’s something new I’ve learned today.</p><p>As always every comment is very much appreciated, they are seriously my life blood haha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua’s skin tingles from where their hands were just clasped together, and he bites down his lip to stifle the urge to grab Gon’s hand again.</p><p>Gon has dragged Killua to the biggest and scariest looking roller coaster, the likes of which they watch with wide eyes as the screaming people upon it go through massive loops and steep drops and hang upside down for seconds at a time. It looks exhilarating, and Killua’s pulse quickens with anticipation. Gon is in a similar situation, if the way he shuffles his feet in an exited dance is any indication. It helps that the line is surprisingly short, however, and quickly they make it to the front.</p><p>Getting strapped in, Killua’s stomach prematurely churns, as if it already foresees the upcoming turn around its about to go through. And Killua laments having eaten so many pancakes - being thrown around the place, upside down, spun around, at eighty miles per hour, does not seem good for the state of one’s stomach.</p><p>In the wait for the ride to start, Killua’s mouth dries in a mixture of excitement and nervousness. Gon beside him, grins, and squeezes his hand for a second before looking forward and whooping in delight as the ride carriage leads them high into the air.</p><p>It’s fucking fun. Gon screams and Killua screams and their throats are raw by the end of it from the sheer amount of near-death they seem to go through - Killua fears more than once their seat belts will falter and drop them to their deaths -  but they remain safe in their seats, and its amazing because Gon is with him, real and warm as he clings to Killua in fear. Killua tries not to take so much pleasure in having to soothe the boy, but who is he kidding? He loves every moment of it, every comforting clasp of their hands, every brush of their shoulders, every comforting glance that he gives. It’s amazing. </p><p>When the ride stops, they walk off dizzy and stumbling, and they almost fall on each other. Both giddy from the adrenaline rush of the ride, they stare at each other and laugh. Gon’s hair is windswept and it looks ridiculous the way it sticks up in all sorts of extreme directions. Killua assumes his is in a similar state from the way Gon’s eyes dance in amusement. </p><p>The ride was terrifying, absolutely terrifying. But:</p><p>“Let’s do it again,” they say in synchrony.</p><p>They go another three times - fidgeting in the line each time in their impatience - and take joy in the frightening but absolutely exhilarating unpredictability of the ride, the wind rushing past their ears and adrenaline pumping through their bodies.</p><p>By the end, they’re barely capable of walking straight in their dizziness but Gon is already dragging Killua off again to whatever next catches his eye.</p><p>They go into the mirror maze, where Gon somehow gets lost (how can he be so gone for such an idiot?) and Gon has to call Killua for him to save him. When Killua finally finds Gon (in a hall nowhere near the exit), Gon looks sheepishly up at him.</p><p>“What the hell happened? I thought you were following me the whole time but when I got to the end you were nowhere to be seen.”</p><p>Gon huffs. “I <em>was</em> following you. But I thought you were going the wrong way so I went in another direction… only I couldn’t find my way back.”</p><p>Killua shakes his head slightly, an amused smile playing on his lips. “Uh huh. That’s what you get for following your impulses all the time. You should’ve known you can’t do anything without me.”</p><p>At that, Gon picks himself up, brushes the dust off his pants and grins at him. “I definitely should’ve. I really am hopeless without you.”</p><p>Immediately, Killua blushes and he becomes incapable of completing a full sentence without stuttering.</p><p>“You- You can’t <em>say </em>things like that?”</p><p>“Why not?” Gon’s eyes are innocently wide, and Killua wants to slap him for being so oblivious.</p><p>Why not? There were so many reasons for why fucking not. But voicing them aloud would be too humiliating.</p><p>“Whatever. You’re an idiot-”</p><p>“Hey!” Gon protests.</p><p>Killua continues.“-and we should get going. If we stay in here any longer, we’ll go insane.” More like Killua will go insane. The mirrors mean he can see more than one Gon, and that is something he can only handle for so long.</p><p>When they finally make it out of the maze, Gon causing trouble when he questions Killua at every turn (“Are you <em>sure </em>its this way?” “I’m not the one who got lost, was I, Gon?”) Gon drags him to the bumper cars.</p><p>It’s something Killua was looking forward to since they entered the park, and getting into their respective cars, their postures change: their backs straighten and their eyes spark with determination. No words are spoken, but there is no need. They know what the other is thinking: “I’m going to fucking win.”</p><p>It was inevitable for their competitiveness to flare up at some point - they always competed as children. So it’s natural for them to want to beat each other and get the delicious taste of glory. Killua knows he does anyway. He may be gone for Gon but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to whoop his ass whenever possible, even if that situation is bumper cars. </p><p>When the countdown sounds, the noise of revving loud in Killua’s ears, every other car fades into the background - the circuit becomes a battlefield and everyone but Gon is a mere obstacle he has to overcome in order to win.</p><p>It starts off pretty evenly - their cars level with each other as they circle around three times. That is until Gon feels the need to smash into Killua’s car as much as possible, each time with an evil smile on his face. That was to be expected, however, and Killua retaliates by swerving and pushing Gon to the edge of the circuit as hard as possible. It has the desired effect - Gon loses control of his vehicle and crashes into the corner of the rink. Even better another car loses control and collides into the back of Gon’s, placing him in an even worse position. Killua smirks at Gon’s hopeless state as the assistant tries to get his car moving again. Gon’s annoyed whines reach his ears even from the other side of the circuit where Killua drives leagues away from him.</p><p>Gon never recovers. Although he tries, he can never catch up to Killua, and when the bell sounds, stopping the cars, Killua revels in his success. </p><p>“I so won that,” Killua brags.</p><p>Gon shakes his head in wild disagreement. “There was no clear finish line! So there’s no winner!”</p><p>Killua smirks at him. “Say whatever you want, but you know I still won.”</p><p>Gon’s face scrunches up as he tries to think of another way to deny it, and when he seems to find no answer, his face becomes beetroot red. Killua's smirk only grows.</p><p>“I don’t care what you say, we’re going to do that again and I’m gonna wipe the floor with you!” Gon exclaims.</p><p>“I look forward to it.”</p><p>“Good. First though, we have to get through everything else here!”</p><p>Gon grabs Killua’s hand again and drags him to the game machines.</p><p>Killua thinks he’s starting to go insane by how much Gon is touching him. It’s small things like when Gon high fives him after Killua wins a teddy bear in the claw machine, or when Gon tucks a strand of hair behind Killua’s ear when it inhibits his shooting by getting in his eyes, or when Gon pulls him into his chest insisting on taking another selfie. Killua loves his enthusiasm – it’s what makes Gon <em>Gon</em>. But it’s not good for his health, mental or physical. Killua feels oversensitive, like he’s about to burst and at risk of a heart attack. He wouldn’t complain about it if it weren’t for the fact that keeping his crush on Gon a secret weren’t an absolute necessity. Or if all this touching weren’t just a constant reminder of what Killua can’t have.</p><p>But he manages to push it all aside for a few moments, if only to beat Gon in shooting the most rubber ducks.</p><p>An hour and twenty dollars later, however, they win nothing besides Killua’s teddy bear.</p><p>Killua can practically see the steam coming out of Gon’s ears beside him - he tried three times at ring throwing and failed to get the necessary amount of points to win every time. He wanted the massive cat plushie that hangs outside the front of the store and now his mouth is turned downward into a frown, and his eyebrows are scrunched up. Killua wants to smooth them out with his thumb.</p><p>“It’s just all so rigged! They make it impossible to win!” Gon complains. “How can it legal?”</p><p>Killua has a feeling Gon isn’t going to get over this without some comforting on his part, so he offers the best thing he has.</p><p>“I know it’s not as big as the cat one, but you can have my teddy bear if you really want.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes snap to Killua and, unexpectedly, they turn round and sad. “It’s not me I wanted to win it for! I wanted it for you!”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>Killua’s insides explode in happiness and a warmth spreads up his chest. He has to bite his bottom lip hard to stop it from showing.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Killua,” says Gon.</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot,” Killua snaps, still flustered from Gon wanting to win something for him (it just seems like such a <em>boyfriend </em>thing to do), before adopting a more soothing tone. “Look, we can get some food yeah? We haven’t eaten yet, you were probably just off your game because you’re hungry.”</p><p>It was meant as a small and perhaps slightly false comfort but when Killua’s stomach sounds with an angry growl, Killua realises it wasn’t just false platitudes. He’s starving.</p><p>Gon’s gloomy mood evaporates when they reach the food court. He bounces from store to store, wanting to check every single one before deciding. Killua has to hold Gon back, practically from the collar, from buying something from all of them (”But they all look <em>so good, </em>Killua!”). They end up eating something basic, but delicious: completely unhealthy, greasy, chips, and bacon filled burgers with way too much onion. It is exactly what Killua needed though - being dragged around by a hyperactive Gon all day really takes a lot out of a person.</p><p>Gon attempts to throw a chip at Killua’s forehead, but when Killua dodges it it accidentally lands in an older woman’s cup of soda behind him.</p><p>Killua watches the proceeding spectacle - of Gon desperately saying sorry and waving his hands around in wild explanation, and the woman’s unamused stare. When Gon returns, his shoulders are hunched in embarrassment.</p><p>“I know what you’re thinking. I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“You said it not me.”</p><p>“But you were thinking it.”</p><p>“Oof you caught me.”</p><p>Killua grins at him, and its apparently enough to cheer Gon up because he beams right back, losing any sign of his previous embarrassment.</p><p>They end up cycling through all the rides again, going to each one at least twice. Gon is ridiculous and insists they take a picture with every mascot and costumed person they see. However, he thankfully concedes from forcing Killua to take one with the clown. They’re too fucking creep for Killua’s liking.</p><p>Killua snorts at the funny mirrors, because Gon just makes these absurd poses and faces in the mirror, and he is floored again by how much he wants to kiss him. Even when Gon pulls his face into ludicrous expressions and sticks his tongue out stupidly, and waves him arms around at his sides like he’s the inflatable tube man from outside a car dealership, Killua wants to kiss him.</p><p>Again, his thoughts are disrupted when Gon grabs him by the hand again (Killua doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it), and drags him in the direction of the Fun House. It turns out to be too packed with children to be enjoyable, and everything is uncomfortably sticky, but it’s still fun to watch Gon fall flat on his face when he fails to climb a slide. Killua laughs at Gon’s pout and laughs more when Gon pouts harder.</p><p>They decide to go get ice-cream as a way to balance out all the salt had before (and slightly as an apology for laughing at Gon’s misfortune), and of course Gon gets three scoops because he is horrible at decision making.</p><p>“There are so many good flavours calling for me! How can you expect me to refuse all of them?” Gon says when Killua snorts at him. </p><p>It’s a hot day - Killua hadn’t cared enough to notice it before, other than to know that he needed to wear a sleeveless shirt instead of a sweater. But the sun has decided to become extra hot all of a sudden - because why would it not? The world just likes to make Killua suffer - causing Gon’s ice-cream to melt.</p><p>Killua suddenly regrets not stopping Gon from buying so much ice-cream because it just means that Killua’s torture is more prolonged; There’s too much ice-cream for Gon to eat all at once, meaning it is left to drip down his hand, and worst of all, Gon is <em>licking it.</em></p><p>Killua watches with abated breath as Gon drags his tongue up the cone, lapping up the dripping ice-cream, before pausing and starting the slow drag up again. It’s all in slow motion in Killua’s mind - the pink of his tongue, the white of the ice cream dripping down Gon’s hand, the glistening of Gon’s smiling lips. All of it leaves Killua hot and flustered. When Gon releases a moan of delight causing blood to rush downward, Killua snaps himself out of it.</p><p>What the fuck? Gon is just eating ice-cream and Killua is lusting over him like a weirdo. Killua needs water or something, he’s so thirsty, but perhaps therapy would be better for how mental he is thinking this about Gon. It’s fucked up to interpret Gon’s innocent enjoyment of ice-cream as anything sexual. So fucked up. But that doesn’t stop Killua’s eyes from darting to Gon’s tongue again and imagining horrible things.</p><p>Killua can tell from how hot he feels that he’s probably as red as a tomato, and he glances at Gon for any sign he has noticed Killua’s inappropriate thoughts. Nothing. Thank God.</p><p>Luckily, Gon is a fast eater as well as oblivious as he eats the ice-cream in only a few minutes, cutting Killua’s torture off short. But it doesn’t help much. Because by the end of it, he’s uncomfortably hard in his pants, and just thanking whatever deity there is out there that they’re not too tight. </p><p>Killua jumps when Gon speaks suddenly. <em>Fuck did he notice? Fuck fuck fuck-</em></p><p>“Are you alright, Killua? All your ice-cream has melted.”</p><p>Killua was so consumed in watching Gon he completely forgot about his own ice cream. It drips stickily down his hand and wrist. Wow, he must be so gone for Gon for him to become that distracted.</p><p>“Oh, um, that- I just forgot.”</p><p>Gon cocks his head to the side and looks at Killua with a calculating stare. Killua’s heart thuds between his ears, sure that Gon is only a second away from figuring out how much of a creep he is. How much he has betrayed his trust. But Gon only shrugs, and says, “Hurry up and eat, we still have a lot to do.”</p><p>Killua releases a massive internal sigh of relief and stuffs down the ice cream. He doesn’t want this awkwardness to be more prolonged than it has to be, but he is simultaneously so wracked with guilt, he doesn’t know what he can do. His throat feels thick from the shame. He’s a terrible friend for thinking what he did. He needs to make it up to Gon, and most of all he needs to keep his thoughts in line.</p><p>When Gon beams a smile at him, Killua returns a shaky one.</p><p>~</p><p>When the sun sets, the lights of the park turn on, bright and colourful and striking in contrast to the darkening sky.</p><p>Fireworks are planned for tonight, and Killua and Gon go back to the bumper cars to compete quickly before they start. Gon remains steadfast in his determination to beat Killua, something which he didn’t fail to remind him of constantly all day.</p><p>However, it seems that everyone had a similar idea in going before the fireworks start, because the line is long. It takes much longer than they expected to get to the front and when they finally do so, there’s only one car left. Checking his phone, Killua realises there’s barely any time before the fireworks. They only have one choice unless they want to miss the start. They’ll have to share.</p><p>With a resolved nod, they end up with Killua at the wheel, and Gon in the passenger seat.</p><p>Surprisingly, Gon doesn’t seem disappointed that he doesn’t have the opportunity to beat Killua. Instead, he seems thrilled.</p><p>“Let’s fucking destroy everyone,” Gon grins up at him, eyes blazing with competitiveness.</p><p>Despite the breathlessness Killua feels at being so close to Gon (the car is small, meaning they’re squeezed together, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh), it doesn’t stop Killua from wanting to completely destroy everyone else as well.</p><p>“Hell yeah.”</p><p>They may end up being possibly <em>too</em> over-competitive. Considering there’s no actual prize nor a finish line, they take it very seriously. Much too seriously for what is supposed to be a low-stakes family friendly game. But that doesn’t stop them. They do their best to collide with everyone and make sure they remain at the front of the pack the whole time. Gon cheers beside him, giving Killua advice every once and a while “Hit them now!” or “Press the pedal!”</p><p>It feels good. When they were younger, they did everything together, just like this, and this currently shared desire to win feels so familiar, Killua’s chest tightens. Killua lets out a hysterical laugh as they collide once more with another car, spurred on by Gon’s own laugh.</p><p>When the cars finally stop, they both beam at each other in their shared glory. Their win is dampened, however, when Killua notices the glares and dirty looks they’re receiving from children and parents alike. Yeah… winning doesn’t feel too good when it’s a child you’re beating.</p><p>Gon, apparently feeling the same sentiment, sends Killua a strained smile, but when they hear the announcement of the fireworks’ near commencement, they jump to their feet. Killua already misses the feeling of Gon pressed beside him.</p><p>They hurry to the ferris wheel - it’s where they wanted to be for the fireworks. And they’re just sat together on the carriage when the fireworks start. As the carriage rises and stops them several feet in the air, Killua hears <em>oohs</em> and <em>ahhs</em> coming both from the ground and from Gon beside him. Killua himself releases a small gasp of awe at the litany of sparking purples and oranges and greens lighting up the the otherwise black sky. The night air is cool on their skin. And it feels nice. Everything feels so nice. Despite there being hundreds of people around them watching, up here its just the two of them. As long as they’re in this carriage, they’re isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. Just Killua and Gon, watching the stars.</p><p>Killua quickly switches his attention to Gon. His face lights up in the bright colours as he looks up with wide eyes at the fireworks, and <em>god </em>Killua loves him. It’s incredible how Gon has somehow retained that child-like enthusiasm and optimism for the world that Killua has severely lacked for the longest time. Ever since Gon left, in fact. Gon’s face; the sharpness of his jaw, the high of his cheekbones, the sparkling of his eyes which dance with the colour of the fireworks. Killua is enthralled by it all. </p><p>And suddenly, Killua is hit with how much he doesn’t want the day to end. It’s powerful and overwhelming. But underneath it is a stronger desire. One that’s been pulsing underneath his skin for years - He doesn’t want Gon to go. He doesn’t want Gon to leave him again.</p><p>Killua doesn’t deserve Gon, he knows - he has done enough unacceptable things to last him a lifetime, Gon with the ice-cream coming most recently to mind - but Killua is selfish. Killua needs Gon. Without him, he feels empty. Although, he didn’t realise by how much until Gon returned and filled that gaping hole in his heart.</p><p>Gon must feel the weight of his stare, because he turns to face him. Shadows cast over his features, and Killua must reveal some of his sadness, because Gon’s eyebrows suddenly crease in worry. “What’s wrong, Killua?”</p><p>Killua doesn’t know if he should say it. He doesn’t want to make Gon feel uncomfortable or feel obliged to stay only for the sake of Killua. It wouldn’t be fair to him. But as Killua stays silent, Gon starts gnawing his lip in worry, and Killua realises he can’t lie to him. He owes it to Gon, pure and honest Gon, to tell him what’s on his mind.</p><p>“I just… I don’t want you to go. I know you’re probably only staying here for a few days and it… it really sucks. I can’t stop thinking about how much I don’t want this to end-”</p><p>Gon cuts him off. “When did I say I’m only staying for a few days?”</p><p>His face is empty of expression. It’s strange. Gon is usually so expressive, there’s always a glimmer in his eye, or a smile on his lips, or a glare on his face, but now there’s nothing. It puts Killua slightly on edge.</p><p>“That’s the thing, you never did say. So I figured you didn’t want to break the bad news to me that you could only stay for a day or something.”</p><p>There’s silence and Killua’s heart drops. <em>Gon is only staying for a few days</em>, <em>Gon is going to slip through his fingers again before Killua can even get a grip and-</em></p><p>Gon’s masks cracks.</p><p>“Killua… I’m actually moving here.”</p><p>What?</p><p>Killua’s heart skips a beat for a moment, and the world freezes. Its only him and Gon’s words, circling in his head over and over. He can’t see, he can’t hear, the only thing in existence is <em>I’m moving here, I’m moving here, I’m moving here. </em>And suddenly, as if nothing exponential just happened, the world comes rushing back in startling clarity, and Killua can hear the fireworks booming, he can smell the scent of amusement park hot dogs, and he can see the warm brown of Gon’s eyes.</p><p>It doesn’t seem real. Gon has just uttered Killua’s deepest desire aloud. It should have been impossible. But Gon doesn’t look like he’s lying.</p><p>“Gon,” Killua whispers. “Please tell me you’re not lying.”</p><p>Gon’s lips curve upwards. “I promise you, I’m not.”</p><p>Killua has never heard words so utterly brilliant in his life.</p><p>Heart racing, Killua throws his arms around Gon. It’s night time and they’re at the highest point of the ferris wheel and Gon’s face looks so beautiful under moonlight, and Killua feels like his body is exploding with fireworks because he’s just so freaking <em>happy.</em></p><p>Gon is <em>here, </em>and Gon is going to <em>stay. </em>Killua didn’t just make this all up. He isn’t dreaming. And he knows because Gon is between his arms, warm, and comfortable, and grounding and <em>real.</em></p><p>“Just why? How? What?” Killua asks, when he forces himself to distance himself, mind too ridden with questions to simply ignore them all.</p><p>Gon’s face is soft with a smile. “I missed you. And I didn’t see a point in travelling anymore. It’s pointless when you have no destination, and when you’re not with the person you want to be with most.”</p><p>Killua gulps. “I still can’t believe it.”</p><p>“Neither can I, really.” Gon studies his face with something in his eye that Killua can’t quite detect.</p><p>Gon leans back. “Well, from now on you’re gonna have to deal with a lot more of me.”</p><p>Warm endearment floods Killua’s chest and he fakes a groan. “Ugh, how am I gonna cope?”</p><p>Gon smiles, wide and toothy and completely beautiful. “No idea. But I think you’ll find a way.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so this was a longer chapter woah. as a whole this fic is turning into much more of a slowburn than I had originally intended, but I'm really happy with where it is all heading!</p><p>I hope you enjoyed this completely cliche filled chapter, it was really fun to write! I worry sometimes that my fic is too mushy and sappy, but it honestly makes me so happy to write this stuff, so I hope it doesn't put you off too much. </p><p>I have found a way to write even amongst uni, if you're wondering why I'm updating again so soon, hopefully this pace keeps up!</p><p>As always, comments and feedback are all very welcome :) Every single one leaves me grinning like a maniac haha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted this chapter to be longer to make up for taking so long to update, but I couldn't bring myself to write the extra scenes it needed, so I just decided to post what I have. I'm sorry again for the obscene amount of time this took and for the shortness of the chapter, but I hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So why didn't you tell me again?"</p><p>Killua and Gon are sat in the car driving back home from the amusement park. Gon is bobbing his head and humming enthusiastically to horrible pop music and Killua tries not to find it endearing. And despite the fatigue poking at Killua’s mind, he’s never felt lighter in his life. He has just spent his first full day with Gon in over a year and it was spectacular.</p><p>Adjusting his grip on the wheel, Killua finds his hands still tingle from the number of times Gon grasped them in his eagerness to drag him to another ride. Killua is sure Gon would’ve kept doing it if he had the choice, but unfortunately, the park closed at eleven pm and they were forced to leave. Killua almost decided to find a hiding spot in the park and stay there until morning with Gon to prolong the night but reeled in the urge. Only because he wouldn’t want Gon to be arrested.  </p><p>But despite the brilliance of the day, Killua still has questions. Questions that thrum in the back of his mind - ones that weren’t addressed up in the Ferris Wheel, fireworks exploding in the background and stars in their eyes.</p><p>Killua flicks his gaze to Gon for a split second before returning it to the road. Gon is smiling at him with the type of smile that would make his dimples show if the lighting weren’t so dark.</p><p>"I wanted to surprise you,” Gon replies simply.</p><p>Killua’s heart thuds in the way it always does when Gon says something even remotely romantic and forces himself to get his head in line. <em>Gon doesn’t like you in that way. Stop misconstruing his words. </em></p><p>Coughing into his fist, Killua says, “Still… it would’ve been nice to know. Well, it would’ve saved me a lot of planning.”</p><p>“And how much was that? The planning, I mean.”</p><p>Killua laughs. “Enough that we’re booked out for the next week.”</p><p>Gon freezes beside him. “Don’t you have work? Jeez, I’m so sorry, Killua! I should’ve thought about you!”</p><p>Killua can practically taste the concern in Gon’s voice and he cuts it off before Gon’s voice gets even more high pitched.</p><p>“I was just teasing, and you don’t need to worry. I haven’t gone broke yet, I’ve just had to use my free days off. Speaking of which, do you have a job here? What about your old one?”</p><p>With Killua’s eyes on the road, he can only hear a slight rustling as Gon squirms in his seat. “Yeah about that… don’t have one quite yet, but you don’t need to worry about me, Killua.”</p><p>“Oh so I <em>don’t</em> need to expect you freeloading off of me all year?”</p><p>Gon huffs a laugh. “No, just a week if that’s okay?”</p><p>“Of course it is. I’m just glad to have you back and here to stay.”</p><p>Killua can practically hear Gon’s grin.</p><p>~</p><p>Arriving home is a bigger ordeal than Killua expected.</p><p>Gon and Killua arrive home to the door unlocked and Alluka in the middle of the living room, with a three-tier cake with green and blue icing and far too many sprinkles for Killua’s taste. About a thousand candles are placed haphazardly on the top and written upon the cake is <em>Welcome back, Gon!</em> which, considering the gasp beside him, Gon loves. But Killua, heart thundering in his chest and still dealing with the after-effects of thinking his house had been broken into says:</p><p>“Alluka! It’s midnight! Don’t you have school tomorrow morning? And how the hell did you get into my apartment?”</p><p>Alluka looks the epitome of indifference as if she hadn’t just almost given her brother a heart attack. “I know, I know. I’m just the best sister in the world. No need to thank me,” she says, selectively choosing to keep her ways of entry a secret.</p><p>If Killua weren’t so happy from his day with Gon he would’ve murdered her.</p><p>Gon, who’s been vibrating next to Killua in excitement since stepping through the door, breaks, leaps toward Alluka and wraps her in a massive hug. Alluka grins into Gon’s neck, squeezing back, and Killua’s heart warms. Alluka missed Gon almost as much as Killua did, and he’s glad she’s seeing him again.</p><p>“Alluka you’ve grown so much!” Gon says, pulling back to ruffle her hair in a soft pat.</p><p>Alluka had never completely outgrew her love for pats and so, she pushes her head slightly into it, closing her eyes with a pleased smile before pushing Gon’s hand away. </p><p>“I could say the same to you,” she says, poking Gon’s biceps, and Gon laughs.</p><p>Killua averts his eyes. He certainly hadn’t failed to notice that certain detail either.</p><p>Gon’s laugh is deep and slightly raspy, and Killua feels he would melt if he weren’t made of flesh and bone.</p><p>“I like working out, I guess,” is Gon’s, in Killua’s opinion, completely inadequate answer.<em> I work out and my arms don’t look like </em>that,<em> Jesus Christ. </em></p><p>“Well, it definitely shows,” Alluka says with a cheeky smile.</p><p>Gon smiles back, slightly awkward, before saying, “Enough about me, let’s talk about the cake!”</p><p>“Yeah,” Killua says, breaking out of his bicep-centred thoughts, “thanks for the cake, Alluka. It's seriously amazing.”</p><p>Alluka looks between them. “It was the least I could do for my brother’s favourite person!”</p><p>“Hey! You’re my favourite person, Alluka,” Killua protests.</p><p>She rolls her eyes, “Well I know that, but so is Gon.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Gon smirks at Killua as if he didn't know that already and Killua would swear the heater was on blast if he didn’t know he couldn’t afford it.</p><p>“Yeah…” he finally says after an embarrassing amount of seconds. It’s not like he could deny it.</p><p>“You’re my favourite person too, Killua!” responds Gon.</p><p>Killua’s cheeks burn bright and suddenly he hates everyone in the room. Alluka for the smug smirk she now wears because she knows his secret, and Gon, for paining him so. But then he snaps out of it. He loves them both too much to stay irritated for long.</p><p>“Well,” Gon says, rubbing his hands together after a short silence. “Let’s eat some cake!”</p><p>Alluka lights the candles with enthusiasm (probably too much so if her delighted eyes behind the lit match were any indication), Gon blows them out with a single breath and then they eat, Gon telling Alluka about their day and Alluka firing questions at him. Gon releases happy noises as he devours his slice much too loud for Killua’s impure soul, and Alluka smirks the entire time. Killua would be annoyed with her but she made them a delicious fucking cake, and that’s made Gon happy, and making Gon happy is the best thing a person could do. Now if only she’d stop torturing Killua with her sideways glances and smirks…</p><p>By the time they’ve eaten three generous servings of cake, they’re all lying in a food coma, teeth aching from the sugar. Killua is splayed across the couch, Gon sits on the floor beside him, and Alluka lies face up on the carpet. The cake, only slightly dented despite their best efforts, stands ominously near them, demanding to be eaten. Killua knows he couldn’t go for any more, and Gon and Alluka look equally stuffed.</p><p>“How the hell are we going to eat all of it?” he groans, “We’re only three people!”</p><p>“Just be prepared to put on a few pounds,” Gon says, rubbing his belly.</p><p>“Don’t be over-dramatic,” says Alluka, as if she hadn’t been making moans of complaint only seconds before. “The cake will be good for a week, we have plenty of time to eat it.”</p><p>Silence falls upon them as their stomachs process the food and sleepiness begins to hit them. <em>It really is late, </em>he thinks.</p><p>Suddenly, as if hearing Killua’s thoughts, Alluka sits up.</p><p>“Well, it was great seeing you again Gon, but I really must head off. I have class tomorrow…” She yawns, rubs her dark smudged under eyes, and glances at her watch. “It’s one am, shit.”</p><p>“Don’t think I forgot about you somehow getting into my apartment!” Killua calls as she lifts herself up, and hurries for the door to leave.</p><p>She turns for a moment. “Killua, my <em>dear brother</em>, you act as if it surprises you.”</p><p>“Because it does!”</p><p>Her stare is unimpressed. “It’s pretty easy to get a copy of your keys when you leave them at my place unattended for hours at a time.”</p><p>The memory of being so tired after work once he passed out on her couch flickers to mind. “That was once! How did you get them so quickly?”</p><p>“Preparation,” she says simply.</p><p>Gon laughs when the door clicks behind her. Killua almost wants to call her back.</p><p>“Leave her be, she’s tired,” Gon says, and immediately the urge wavers. He’s never been able to deny Gon.</p><p>Alone together again, in his apartment no less, a flitter of nerves runs through Killua.</p><p>“Thanks again,” Gon says earnestly. “For today, I mean.”</p><p>Gon looks sleepy himself, his eyes adorably droopy, and a small smile on his face. Killua wants to ruffle his hair.</p><p>Instead, he takes a breath and tries to pull himself together. “Don’t thank me yet. You’re gonna be exhausted by the time we’re done this week. We’re going to the beach tomorrow.”</p><p>“Sounds great.”</p><p>Killua will never get enough of his smile.</p><p>They go through the process of brushing teeth together and the domesticity of the situation isn’t lost on Killua, but the lull of sleep eases the tension in his shoulders and removes the chance of any possible freakout on Killua’s part. Nevertheless, Gon looks so soft in baby blue pyjamas it hurts Killua’s soul.</p><p>“Well, goodnight!” Gon says, giving him a little wave as he enters his room, leaving Killua alone with his couch.</p><p>“Goodnight,” Killua says, wishing he didn’t sound so pathetic.</p><p>Lying back in the couch, Killua’s mind flies into overdrive. The hard object sticks into his back again, but his thoughts flood it out.</p><p>Killua’s senses have been frayed to the edges after all the touches and smiles and sweet words Gon has been assaulting him with all day. He enjoyed it, that was no question. But with the way every moment of their day together races through his head, Killua knows he won’t be falling asleep anytime soon. Not unless he gets rid of some of the tension.</p><p>It feels like it’s been weeks since he’s last touched himself, flashes of Gon’s tongue licking his ice-cream playing on an endless loop, but in reality, it has only been two days. Only two days, yet his cock is as hard as ever and begging for attention.</p><p>His hands shake with the desire to slip under his pants and relieve the pressure immediately, but Gon’s presence only a room away is frighteningly apparent. One wrong move and Killua has revealed himself for the pervert that he is.</p><p>He waits for as long as he can bear, and then, moving as quietly as possible, Killua sneaks up to his bedroom door and presses his ear against it. He listens, searching for any sign that Gon’s still awake. It takes a few moments, but the sound of a light snore on the other side reaches his ears, and Killua’s heart pounds in excitement.</p><p>He’s not going to jack off to Gon. He promised himself he wouldn’t after the last time he did. The guilt still too much to bear. But there’s no reason he can’t jerk off to Hunter.</p><p>Plugging headphones into his phone, he brings up Hunter’s video, his body heating up in anticipation, and, despite himself, the idea of doing this, with Gon in hearing distance, causes his cock to twitch.</p><p>He doesn’t last very long. The combination of Hunter’s beautiful moans sounding in his ears, the man’s gorgeous body writhing in tandem on his screen, and the thought of Gon walking in on him at any moment is too much. He bites into his hand to muffle his moan as he comes, body shaking with orgasm.</p><p>“Fuck,” he whispers into the darkness when he comes down from it.</p><p>Despite his body still humming from the aftershocks, he listens raptly for any sounds coming from the other room; the creaking of a floorboard, the padding of feet, a guttural snore, but there’s nothing.</p><p>Gon must still be asleep.</p><p>Killua only has the presence of mind to clean himself off before he falls back on the couch, exhausted. He intends to close his eyes for only a moment, and try to think about anything other than Gon, but sleep consumes him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed! As always, comments and feedback are all very welcome :) and I apologise again for the long wait.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is so ridiculous and embarrassing it borders on unrealistic but I loved writing it and I apologise to Killua for dragging him through so much embarrassment. I hope you guys enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua missed one essential fact when he came up with the brilliant idea of letting his life-long crush stay with him for a week, and that was that people, in general, require <em>showering. </em>Meaning the morning after their day at the park, Killua is forced to deal with a freshly showered Gon, and will have to continue doing so for the next few days, tantalising and hot and Killua is <em>not allowed to touch. </em></p><p>Killua should have anticipated this. He shouldn’t have been so stupid, but reprimanding himself doesn’t change the present so he’ll just have to deal with it.</p><p>Deal with Gon in a shower, or more specifically, Gon coming out of the shower, steam billowing after him, wet, flushed, a towel around his waist, and <em>hot. </em>And <em>Jesus</em>, have Killua’s towels always been so small? The towel preserving Gon’s modesty barely seems to cover him at all exposing an obscene amount of skin, and Killua has to summon all his willpower not to look downward. Instead, Killua’s eyes concentrate on the droplet of water that springs from Gon’s wet hair as it trickles down his neck, to his collarbone and down his chest. His defined, broad chest…</p><p>“Killua?”</p><p>“Huh?” Killua blinks and has the horrid realisation that Gon is staring at him. Staring at Killua staring at him. <em>Fuck. </em></p><p>“You okay?” Gon is smiling in a way that can only be teasing and Killua wants to dump himself in the shower and drown himself because surely that means Gon has <em>noticed. </em>He’s <em>noticed </em>just how completely infatuated Killua is with him and, as he tries not to panic, Killua’s chest squirms with something uncomfortable. Killua is only able to muster a mumbled, “m’okay” before he turns in shame and lets Gon go to his room to dress.</p><p>But then, <em>then, </em>something indescribably worse happens. It shouldn’t have been possible. Being caught drooling over Gon by Gon himself felt like the lowest of the low, but Killua was deadly wrong.</p><p>As Gon returns from his room, thankfully clothed, the uncomfortable feeling in his chest turns to mortification, a squirming life-sucking parasite of mortification because Gon has something in his hand, something which Killua recognises <em>very well. </em></p><p>“Killua? What is this?”</p><p>Gon holds a small remote, smooth black and oval-shaped with buttons running down the middle and fuck fuck fuck fuck <em>fuck. </em>Killua blushes, deep and hard, as he struggles to utter a single word. Gon must have absolutely no idea what’s in his hand right now because he wouldn’t be doing this to Killua otherwise, if he knew surely he’d be blushing himself and pretend he didn’t see it or <em>something</em> because <em>that</em><em>’s the remote to his vibrator. </em></p><p>Killua scrambles for an excuse - he thinks of a way to explain what the remote is without arousing suspicion while a shameful flash of heat arising from the fact that <em>Gon is touching his vibrator remote </em>flares through him. His attempt to speak is punctuated by a question firing into his head: <em>How did Gon find it? </em>Killua had cleaned his whole apartment before Gon arrived, surely he hadn’t just left it lying out in the open? His mind freezes as he realises his mistake. Gon went to his room, to his <em>bathroom</em> more specifically, in need of a towel but because they were all in the wash, Killua had directed him to the top of his closet where spares were. Which, conveniently, is also the place where Killua stores his vibrator and remote.</p><p>Killua would chide himself for doing something so careless but another thought fires in his brain: <em>Does that mean that Gon found his actual vibrator too?</em> but quickly answers himself with another question: <em>But if that were true surely Gon wouldn</em><em>’t have taken the remote?</em>  Either way, Killua has never before wanted the ground to swallow him whole as much as now.</p><p>“Uhh, it’s for the TV?” is his feeble response. He fights the urge to close his eyes as waves of shame flood over him. Maybe this all won’t be so bad. Maybe Gon will take pity on him-</p><p>“Yeah?” Gon says, brightly, examining the remote. “I’ve never seen one like it before, but I did want to watch the news today.”</p><p>Killua sees what’s coming before Gon even starts to aim the remote upwards and press the first button. He throws himself forward, hand extended, in a hopeless attempt to stop it. “Gon, wait no -”</p><p>Killua thought that Gon pressing the button would simply expose him for lying about it being a TV remote, but whatever deity he somehow pissed off this morning decides to take his humiliation up a notch. A vibration sounds through the room, loud and obvious in the otherwise resounding silence from the very couch that Killua was just sleeping on. Killua’s stomach turns in on itself as it hits him just how much of an idiot he is. The hard lump under the cushion that had hurt his back for the past two nights was his fucking <em>vibrator</em>. If a genie were to grant him three wishes right now he would turn back time thrice to firstly <em>not </em>ignore the mysterious lump in his couch, secondly <em>not </em>be a disorganised mess in somehow leaving his vibrator out in the open, and thirdly stop his birth in the first place because non-existence seems pretty damn appealing right now.</p><p>Killua doesn’t want to look at Gon’s face, too afraid of what he’ll see there, but the buzz in the room is unmistakable, and although Killua is burning holes into the distant corner of the room he can see Gon’s limp grip on the remote in his peripheries. <em>There</em><em>’s no way he doesn’t know, </em>Killua thinks miserably.</p><p>He just wants to die. If a blood-thirsty mass wielding clown came in to murder him, he’d welcome them with open arms and thank them after.</p><p>Eventually though, doing nothing becomes unbearable, and Killua chances a glance up. It reveals a blushing, open-mouthed Gon who doesn’t seem to be able to look him directly in the eye. Killua’s brief inspection must stir something in him because he jumps out of his dumbstruck stance, scratches his head and says, “Uhh, whoops?”</p><p>Killua loves him, but ‘whoops’ doesn’t even begin to cover the severity of the situation.</p><p>Mercifully, Gon turns off the vibrator, and the room is filled with silence again, Killua staring at Gon and Killua staring back. After a few seconds, Killua shoves his face into his hands and groans, unable to contain the persistent thought screaming at him just in his head. “Please just kill me,” he says, slightly muffled.</p><p>Killua wants to leave. He wants to walk out his front door and never come back, but that would mean leaving Gon alone with the knowledge there’s a vibrator under the couch.</p><p>Thankfully, Gon is kind, and doesn’t mock him like the pessimistic part of Killua’s brain had been predicting he’d do.</p><p>“Killua, it’s okay. We all own something like that. No need to be embarrassed.”</p><p>Killua's mind is invaded by Gon fucking himself, and he presses his face harder into his hands as punishment. <em>Fuck. </em>The less horny part of his brain, however, (yes, it exists) notices the strangeness of Gon’s reassuring words, as most straight men he knows aren’t comfortable enough in their sexuality to own a sex toy. Leave it to Gon to be the exception. Though of course Gon could be lying to save Killua the embarrassment, Gon never lies when he’s comforting people.</p><p>“Please forget what you just heard and saw,” Killua mumbles into his hands, then drops them down to his sides, exposing the pinkness of his cheeks. “You know what? Can I just knock you out right now?”</p><p>Gon laughs. “Sorry Killua, that’s gonna be impossible.”</p><p>How can he go to the beach with Gon now? With his revealed chest and droplets running down it, tan skin revealed to all, and <em>fuck. </em>Killua has never felt so humiliated before. He knows never to be so careless with his sex toys ever again, but the desire to turn back time is strong.</p><p>Gon seems to notice how much Killua is combusting internally, because he steps forward, his eyebrows drawn together in something much too close to pity. “Really, it’s okay.”</p><p>When Killua doesn’t say a word in response, Gon continues. “I-I’ll just put this back where I found it,” holding up the remote for a moment.</p><p>Killua remains silent, and Gon stiffly makes his way back into Killua’s room. Killua inhales deeply. <em>Get yourself together. You have to get yourself together. </em></p><p>He releases the breath slowly, then jumps into action, running his hands below the couch cushions, finding the damn vibrator that caused this whole mess, taking out its batteries, and stowing it into his old backpack hanging near the front door. He’s not going to use it any time soon, and he sees no reason for Gon to look into it, so he deems it a good enough hiding place for now. Better than the bloody couch anyway.</p><p>By the time Gon returns, he still looks slightly flushed, and Killua feels slightly guilty for putting Gon in such an awkward position. It must be weird to be so unwillingly aware of your friend’s masturbation habits. Killua’s just glad that he doesn’t look completely disgusted by him.</p><p>“Well,” Gon says, changing the conversation which Killua is eternally grateful for. “Beach time?”</p><p>Killua nods, trying to act as normal as one can after their crush holds their vibrator remote and turns it on. Gon grins back, and it’s so genuine, Killua almost feels completely reassured, but still, the embarrassment of the last few events persists in his mind.</p><p>After a few odd moments, both trying to figure out what to do with themselves, they get ready for the beach. The world must really be on a humorous streak, because Killua finds himself going back to the top of that damn closet to get beach towels, the remote that Gon returned looking tauntingly back up at him, and he can’t help but wish he were better prepared earlier as everything could’ve been avoided.</p><p>Later, whilst they’re getting snacks from the pantry, Killua can’t help but notice Gon’s glances toward the couch obviously wondering if the vibrator still lies there, and his ears go pink.</p><p>Gon never brings up what happened, and Killua certainly doesn’t and, somehow, they reach the end of the day without too much incident. Somehow, Killua survives the beach.</p><p>It’s a whole ordeal because with Gon shirtless it’s hard not to get distracted, and the ride there was slightly awkward but Gon kept the conversation running, but, in general, Killua surprises himself.</p><p>They reach the sand-stretched beach, the waves licking lightly at the shore, and a rush of rejuvenation rushes through Killua. The sun is bright, and the sand is warm on his toes, and it all makes it feel impossible to remain humiliated and down. Not when he’s at such an amazing place.</p><p>Gon rocks back on the balls of his feet, a grin plastered on his face, and Killua smiles back. A few moments pass with them simply admiring the beach but when they look back at each other the tension changes. They stare for one second, then two, and then, without them needing to say a word, they start sprinting toward the ocean. Killua doesn’t care that he has not yet put on sunscreen, all he knows is that he must reach the water before Gon, he must <em>win. </em></p><p>Killua does end up winning, much to Gon’s disappointment and Killua’s satisfaction. And it’s what saves the day from becoming a complete mess. Their competitiveness allows Killua to remain focused and act normal.</p><p>As the day progresses they find more and more things to compete about. From racing to see who can plaster their entire body with sunscreen first to almost drowning themselves in a contest to see who can stay underwater longest, they once again fall back into their completive tendencies. Killua loves it. And despite the desire for victory raging inside him, it’s genuinely fun, and Killua finds himself spending more time trying to make Gon laugh than win sometimes. They have a sand-castle contest, and instead of putting all his efforts into making the best fucking castle in the world, he covers his entire body with sand giving him the appearance of a headless man. Instead of running as fast as he can to the other side of the beach, he leaps onto Gon’s back and starts tickling him.</p><p>It’s all worth it to see Gon’s face light up in a smile, and Killua almost forgets what happened in the morning.</p><p>Even with their ridiculous competitions, it’s very hard to completely ignore Gon. Killua’s not blind. And more than once he finds he loses because he gets distracted by the line of Gon’s jaw, or the definition of his abs.</p><p>When the sun finally sets, shooing them from the beach, they’re both exhausted but smiling. And when Gon gets sand in Killua’s car he can’t even find it in himself to be mad. The ride home is quiet, and it’s only until halfway home that Killua realises why. With a glance to his side, he sees Gon sleeping peacefully, his face squished against the window. A feeling of fondness surges within Killua, and he is grateful to have Gon, even if it’s only as a friend, in his life.</p><p>Luckily, Gon wakes up when he parks because Killua doesn’t think could’ve lifted him up himself (as much as the idea sounds appealing.)</p><p>Gon is quiet on the way up as well, and by the time Killua has prepared dinner (microwave pizza), Gon has once again fallen asleep on his couch. He doesn’t have the heart to wake him up again, so he resolves himself to sleep in his bed instead.</p><p>Only, it’s hard to sleep when his bed smells so much of Gon, and the full events of the day flood back to him making it impossible to sleep. How can he when Gon knows he has a vibrator, and Gon implied he has one too?</p><p>In the shameful darkness, Killua comes to the smell of Gon and the fantasy of him fucking himself with his vibrator.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I got this done as quick as possible to make up for the wait last time, so I hope it's okay! And as always, comments and feedback are all very welcome :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Compared to what was probably the most horrifying incident of Killua’s life, the majority of the week goes by pretty smoothly. And there’s only one reason for that: Gon.</p><p>After coming to Gon yet again after the whole exposing-his-vibrator-to-the-love-of-his-life fiasco, Killua decides enough is enough and vows to shove any dirty thought as far to the back of his mind as possible. It’s easier said than done, and on more than one occasion Killua bites his lip nearly to the point of bleeding in an attempt to focus on something that isn’t related to how attractive Gon is. It’s difficult but necessary, and it means he can just… enjoy hanging out with his best friend.</p><p>With inappropriate thoughts banished from his mind, he takes Gon to the park, laughs at him for still not being able to skateboard properly, gets made fun of in return when they go fishing and <em>he </em>can’t fish properly, and they hang out with Alluka. Not once does Gon seem to realise any of Killua’s untoward feelings from him, and Killua’s cheeks hurt from how much he’s been smiling. Seeing Gon—his smile, his laugh, his warmth—settles something anxious in Killua’s gut that had been brewing for so long. Now everything feels right.</p><p>One morning, two days before Gon stops living with him, Killua wakes up super early to surprise him. He tries not to make a single noise as he gets dressed and leaves the house, hoping Gon doesn’t wake up before he comes back. He’s going to buy body paint. It’s probably a dumb and childish idea, but it’s something that Killua can’t get out of his head—the two of them covered in badly applied paint, trying to be creative but mainly just making a mess. It will be chaos, but it’s something that Killua thinks Gon will enjoy, and that’s really all he wants.</p><p>Hands full of paint filled bags, it takes Killua a few tries to get the keys through the lock and open the door when he gets home. “Stupid, freaking lock,” Killua mumbles under his breath when he finally pushes it open.</p><p>He expects to find an empty living room, but instead encounters a red-faced and slightly sweaty Gon coming out from his bedroom.</p><p>Gon’s body stiffens at the sight of him. “Oh—hey Killua! You’re back already!”</p><p>Killua’s squints his eyes at Gon and the red of his cheeks. He’s being weird, why is he being weird? “Yeah, sorry. Just wanted to buy some fun stuff for us to do today.” Killua smirks. “You better be ready for it.”</p><p>At Killua’s challenge, Gon frigid posture falls away slightly and his shoulders loosen, a small smirk making its way onto his own face. “Of course I will be, what do you take me for?”</p><p>“Hm, well, make me breakfast and I might think of going easy on you.”</p><p>Gon grins. “Not a chance you will.”</p><p>Killua grins back. “How could you tell?”</p><p>“Just a whole childhood’s worth of evidence that proves you would never let someone beat you willingly.”</p><p>“That’s a fair judgement.” Killua dumps the paint near the front door when he realises, he’s still carrying it making a loud <em>thunk </em>noise on the ground. It grabs Gon’s attention who now peers at it with curiosity.</p><p>“So what <em>are</em> we getting up to today? Sounds like something heavy,” Gon says.</p><p>“How do you feel about getting paint all over you?”</p><p>Gon’s eyes widen in surprise for a second. “I’m not opposed to it.”</p><p>“Great, because I’ve bought a shit load of body paint and we’re going to turn ourselves into works of art. Just no getting any paint on any of the walls or furniture. I will kill you if you do.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t think of it,” Gon says with a smile that Killua swears makes the room brighter. “Now what would you like for breakfast?”</p><p>“I thought you already figured out I’m not going to go easy on you.”</p><p>“I did. I want to make it for you anyway.”</p><p>That makes Killua’s heart do a series of somersaults that are <em>definitely </em>not good for his health. Gon making him breakfast covers at least ten of Killua’s Gon-related fantasies. Killua bites his lip. <em>This is just because Gon is a good friend, not because he likes you, remember?</em></p><p>“Fried eggs would be fine, thanks,” Killua says, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.</p><p>“Order up then!” Gon says, and for something so cheesy it has no right to make Killua’s heart beat this fast.</p><p>Instead of obsessing over Gon while he cooks and how cute he looks in an apron, Killua decides to do something more productive. Besides the body paint, he bought a few sheets of plastic to cover the floor because the shop assistant told him to. And judging from Gon’s extremely messy cooking (is that butter in his hair?) Killua has to say it was a good decision to buy something to protect his floors from Gon’s wrath.</p><p>As Killua places down the plastic, he sneaks a look at Gon. He doesn’t look as flustered as he did when Killua returned, but his hair is sticking up a fair bit, and not because of hair product. Killua would pin it down to the fact that Gon’s just woken up, except that can’t be true. Why would he be so breathless if it was?</p><p>“So what got you so sweaty this morning?” Killua asks, curiosity getting the better of him.</p><p>Gon freezes midway through cracking an egg into the pan, and a flush crawls its way up his neck as the yolk oozes out of a partially cracked shell. Interesting reaction.</p><p>“Oh that,” Gon says with a laugh. “Just did some yoga. Surprisingly, it can get pretty intense sometimes.”</p><p>Killua stares disbelievingly. “You do yoga?”</p><p>“Sure! Well, just got into it recently.”</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>Gon seems happy to drop the conversation at that, cracking the egg properly this time, so Killua decides to let it go too.</p><p>“How’d you come up with the idea of body paint?” Gon asks, when he serves Killua his eggs, his very delicious looking eggs.</p><p>“You’re a mess. I’m a mess. It just made sense, and it seemed fun.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes crease at the corners. “I see.”</p><p>“Did you know you have butter in your hair?” Killua asks through a mouthful of food.</p><p>“Yes,” Gon says evenly, but Killua can see through him and smirks.</p><p>“You had no idea.”</p><p>“I so did.”</p><p>“Then why are you checking?”</p><p>Gon has his hand raised to his head, obviously testing to see if Killua was telling the truth.</p><p>Caught in his lie, Gon simply rolls his eyes playfully. “Just eat your damn eggs and be grateful.”</p><p>“Oh I am, trust me,” Killua says, tucking in.</p><p>When their plates are cleaned and washed, and their stomachs are full and satisfied, they move to the paint.</p><p>“Holy shit,” Gon says. “How many colours did you buy?”</p><p>Killua shrugs. “Essentially all of them. I didn’t know which colours you would want to use.”</p><p>“Okay, well then I think I might just go for all of them. Make a rainbow perhaps?” Gon says with a smile that dimples his cheeks.</p><p>“Very creative, Gon.”</p><p>“Hey, I don’t appreciate that sarcasm,” Gon replies in a tone that indicates he very much does.</p><p>“Well, I think I’m just going for lightning.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes light up. “Reminiscing on the one time you touched the electric fence at the farm?”</p><p>Killua groans. “Fuck no, that hurt like hell.”</p><p>Gon just laughs at him because he’s not as innocent and nice as he looks, before he goes about opening the paint.</p><p>They work quietly for a few minutes, but it’s when Gon goes to pull off his shirt that Killua realises yet <em>another </em>mistake he’s made while with Gon. Killua had the impression they’d be working with their exposed faces, legs, and arms, but Gon obviously had a different idea. For Gon, the chest was a completely available canvas, and Killua felt like dying.</p><p>Killua isn’t a painter, but he does know the basics of drawing, so he focuses intently on creating fine blue lines up his arms instead of Gon and the horrible interpretation of a rainbow on his chest.</p><p>Still, Killua’s eyes wander. Hey, he’s a starving man in a desert and Gon is a cool glass of water. His shoulders are broad, and yoga had clearly worked wonders for him because everything is so defined… Killua allows himself two more seconds of staring before he wrenches his eyes away and back to his own arms.</p><p>“Woah, looking good Killua.”</p><p>For a second Killua thinks he’s talking about him in his entirety, but then he sees Gon eyeing his arms and curses himself for hoping for even a second.</p><p>“Thanks. Yours…” Killua examines Gon’s chest, because he’s allowed to this time, and Gon has surprisingly made a pretty nice rainbow pattern, “looks good too,” he finishes lamely.</p><p>“Thanks!”</p><p>It takes another fifteen minutes before their paintings and bodies are deemed finished, and Killua, exhausted from the effort of not looking at Gon, decides to just dunk a complete tub of red paint on Gon’s head to distract himself. He also does it to make Gon whine, which is a wish that is instantly fulfilled.</p><p>“Hey!” Gon cries out.</p><p>A paint war ensues, and although the paint was expensive and a tiny bit of blue gets on his couch, Killua can’t find it in himself to regret it.</p><p>~</p><p>It takes an hour for them to clean up and shower. By the end of the paint fight, they’d both been dumped with at least two tubs of paint, and the paint they’d taken the time to properly apply on themselves was smudged or replaced by another layer of paint. They hadn’t even taken photos of their art before it was ruined.</p><p>But that wasn’t their biggest problem.</p><p>Their biggest problem is that the shower can’t remove everything. When Gon comes out of the shower, Killua laughs, which is a pleasant change to simply gawking as usual, because Gon’s hair is <em>red. </em>And when Killua looks in the mirror after his own shower, the blue paint Gon had dumped on him isn’t completely washed out of his hair either, giving it a blue tinge.</p><p>Turns out body paint and hair do not mix well together.</p><p>Killua doesn’t even mind. Blue looks good on him, and while Gon’s… doesn’t suit him—the red clashing with the tinges of green still in his hair—Gon doesn’t seem to mind the change, he even embraces it.</p><p>“Hey! Christmas has come early, Killua!” Gon beams after they’re both showered and dry, pointing at his hair enthusiastically. Killua can’t help but let out a snort. Gon’s hair really does look like a Christmas decoration.</p><p>“You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“No, I’m not. I’m Gon!”</p><p>Killua groans loudly at that one.</p><p>~</p><p>They eat out for lunch and are just about to go home to play Mario Kart when Killua gets a message from Alluka. He reads it and then looks up to Gon.</p><p>“Hey, do you want to come with me to Alluka’s? She’s panicking about a date apparently and wants my help.”</p><p>Killua expects Gon to agree as always, but instead he says, “Oh no, that’s okay. I’m actually feeling a bit tired. Can I just go back to your apartment instead?”</p><p>“Oh…” Killua says, quiet. “Sure thing. Here are the keys.”</p><p>Killua hands them over and Gon grabs them with a smile.</p><p>“I guess I’ll see you tonight then?” Killua asks, hoping for some normalcy.</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>Gon looks happy enough, but then he turns around and Killua can’t read him at all.</p><p>Weird, Killua thinks, before heading to Alluka’s.</p><p>~</p><p>Crisis averted. After a few hours of stressing and two meltdowns, Alluka is officially confident and ready for her date, and Killua has stalked the guy’s social media to make sure he’s not a psychopath. Everything is going to be fine. Now all he has to do is get home and make sure Gon’s okay. Gon said he was just tired, but Killua has a feeling it’s more than that.</p><p>Although, when he gets home Gon is… perfectly fine. He doesn’t look tired, or sick, or sweaty. He’s happy and all smiles, and even makes them dinner. They play an hour of Mario Kart before Killua accepts that nothing is amiss with him. Huh, perhaps Killua’s gut was wrong this time.</p><p>And maybe Gon goes to bed slightly earlier than he normally does but that’s not too unusual. After all, Gon did say he was tired before.</p><p>Deciding not to think about Gon’s weirdness anymore, Killua turns to something much more beneficial to him. Gon’s early bedtime gives Killua time to watch Hunter’s new post. Hunter hasn’t posted something new in a while, so ever since Killua got the notification for the video a few hours ago his body has been thrumming with excitement.</p><p>He does the usual—he checks Gon is actually asleep, he puts in his headphones, and he opens the video, fingers shaking slightly in anticipation and half hard already.</p><p>The video loads and Killua takes it in. Hunter isn’t in the shot straight away, instead the camera focuses on an empty bed. A very familiar looking bed. Killua can barely process what he’s seeing when Hunter’s voice sounds through.</p><p>“Sorry for not posting in ages, guys. I tried to get something up earlier for you today, but I was interrupted by a roommate.”</p><p>Wait. That voice is familiar too.</p><p>“And sorry for the crazy hair. Had a bit of an accident before,” Hunter says with a chuckle, before settling down on the bed and showing off his naked body.</p><p>No.</p><p>Hunter’s face isn’t in the shot. It never is in his videos. But the hair Killua can see is red. It wasn’t like that before. No, his hair was always—<em>green</em>.</p><p>No way.</p><p>Everything slots together at once—the bed that looks <em>exactly </em>like Killua’s, the voice that sounds <em>exactly</em> like Gon’s, and the hair that has changed to the <em>exact</em> same colour as Gon’s has today. Killua’s heart blasts through his chest as he stares, eyes locked on the screen, unable to look away. He should look away, he really fucking should look away. If what he’s thinking is true then he has no right to look and watch.</p><p>But he can’t stop looking.</p><p>Because Hunter is <em>Gon.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Killua finally knows!! Shit is about to GO DOWN!! </p><p>Seriously guys, I am so sorry I've taken so long to update. Just know that I am never going to give up this fic. I might just take a while to update. If you enjoyed (or if you didn't) please feel free to leave a comment/concrit :) anything is really appreciated and motivates me to keep writing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hunter is Gon.</p><p>Hunter is Gon.</p><p>Hunter is <em>Gon</em>.</p><p>The realisation hits Killua like a ton of bricks. The hot guy he’s been jerking off to, the guy who he has <em>bought porn of, </em>is his best friend. His gorgeous best friend who he’s been in love with for years. So many questions stampede through his mind at once he feels lightheaded. How could this happen? What made Gon decide to become a camboy? Does Gon know that Killua watches him? What are the chances of this happening? Has Gon really filmed himself on his bed? What is Killua going to do?</p><p>Killua’s rampant thoughts stutter to a stop and vanish completely when Gon moves on his bed. <em>Holy shit.</em> This is Gon in his entirety, his glorious entirety. Killua stares, transfixed, as Gon spreads his legs open wide and places his hands teasingly on his thighs, so close to where Killua really wants them to go. His mouth goes dry. The fact that this man, who Killua has watched freely fuck himself on camera for thousands to see, who’s so confident in himself and knows <em>exactly </em>what he’s doing sexually, is <em>Gon </em>turns Killua on to a frightening degree.</p><p>Gon’s cock is hard against his stomach, and through his, frankly, repetitive internal screaming of <em>that’s Gon’s cock, that’s Gon’s cock, that’s Gon’s cock</em> Killua wonders what he thought about to get it that way. Was Gon hard while they were together at lunch? Suddenly, the strangeness of Gon not coming with him to Alluka’s makes complete sense. While Killua was with Alluka, Gon was doing <em>this. </em>A movement on the screen draws Killua back to the present and… wow. He gasps when Gon finally places a hand on himself, blood pooling downward at Gon’s breathy moan. What people would give for this. Killua has read stranger’s comments fantasising about meeting Hunter in real life. He never paid any mind to it. But now… he could hear those moans in person, he could…</p><p>Gon presses a finger into himself and Killua’s vision centres in on the scene before him: Gon propped up on his pillows, gasping prettily, and naked—well, not completely naked. Killua was too distracted before by all the bare skin Gon was revealing, he hadn’t even noticed the socks covering his feet, or the fact they have <em>puppies </em>on them. Suddenly, spiking through the arousal, Killua’s heart flutters at how endearing Gon is, a mixture of fondness and heat surging through him all at once. Gon is just so <em>cute, </em>and unwillingly Killua finds himself smiling. Of course Gon of all people would wear socks while… Killua’s brain goes numb for a second. <em>While fucking himself on his fingers. </em></p><p>Killua’s smile falls off his face as Gon begins pressing in another finger. And all Killua’s eyes seem capable of doing is remain glued to the rhythm of Gon’s fingers, the hot stretch of it. Whines escape Gon as he tries to push deeper, his back arching in his attempt, and suddenly Killua wishes he could be there to help him—he feels the sudden urge to burst into his bedroom, wake up Gon, and have him fall apart on his fingers.</p><p>Instead, Killua simply watches as his own bed gets defiled, cock straining uncomfortably in his pyjama bottoms. Then Gon pulls out that black dildo, and Killua somehow becomes harder if that’s even possible, and questions race through his mind. Where the fuck did Gon pack that? Is it in his suitcase right now? Did Gon really bring that into his home?</p><p>Gon starts preparing to take it, and Killua’s stomach drops. Arousal and guilt at odds with each other in his brain, Killua forces himself to look away.</p><p>He shouldn’t do this. This is everything he ever dreamed of, but… It’s stupid and doesn’t make any sense because Killua has obviously already seen Gon naked (more than in fact), but Killua wants to experience Gon like this for the first time <em>properly</em>—with Gon’s consent and not through a stupid screen so he can actually touch him. Killua kicks himself internally because he should just take what he can get, because he doesn’t have a chance in hell with someone like Gon, who is the living embodiment of sunlight and excruciatingly handsome, but he can’t stop himself from hoping.</p><p>So despite all his senses screaming against it, he closes the video and tries to will down his erection. He can’t touch himself, because if he does, he knows with absolute certainty he won’t be able to resist opening the video again.</p><p>Killua searches his mind for something to think about besides his pulsing cock and surprisingly finds a distraction within seconds: a question. Should he tell Gon or not? If he does, Gon might be embarrassed and freak out, or worse, be disgusted that Killua was one of the perverts who bought porn off of him and never speak to him again. But if Killua doesn’t tell him, he’ll have to live the rest of his life knowing it and not say a thing. Who could he tell besides Gon, Alluka? The full weight of how pathetically little friends he has sinks in, but then the thought occurs that even if he did have other friends, he wouldn’t betray Gon like that. A selfish part of him whispers that not telling Gon would also mean that a certain fantasy would never come true.</p><p>His brain is still rattling with questions when he falls asleep.</p><p>~</p><p>An energetic voice slices through his sleep and Killua groans, willing unconsciousness to consume him again.</p><p>“Killua! Hey! Killua wake up!”</p><p>“Go awayyy,” Killua mumbles into his pillow, barely registering that it’s Gon.</p><p>“We’re going for a run!”</p><p>“Nooo,” Killua moans. A run is the last thing on his mind right now. The mere thought of one makes him want the ground to swallow him whole and lull him back to sleep.</p><p>“Yes we are, because it’s my second last day living with you so you have to do what I say!”</p><p>That snaps Killua out of it. He blinks blearily in front of him and encounters Gon, standing with his hands on his hips, a stern but excited look on his face. Jesus, Gon is way too hyper in the mornings.</p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p>“Six!”</p><p>Killua groans again. It should be illegal to get up that early.</p><p>“You suck,” Killua says, not meaning it. Gon knows that too because he continues to be remorseless.</p><p>“And you have to get up.”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>It’s when Killua sits up on the couch that he remembers last night’s events. Holy shit. <em>Holy Shit. </em>Gon is a <em>camboy. </em>Gon is a fucking <em>camboy. </em>Killua doesn’t think he’ll ever get over that fact.</p><p>Gon, on his part, looks none the wiser. Instead, he happily starts making them a light breakfast in the kitchen. Of course Gon is already fully dressed in his running gear, ready to hit the road at any moment, and Killua’s hit with two simultaneous thoughts: One, Gon looks adorable in the mornings. And two, Killua knows what Gon looks like being fucked by a vibrator. His cheeks warm just thinking about it, and although Gon is only innocent right now, Killua is the complete opposite. <em>Enough, </em>he scolds himself. </p><p>Killua coughs. “You’re obviously not feeling tired anymore,” he says, not letting his voice waver, even though Gon’s gasps of pleasure echo in his ears.</p><p>Gon looks up from his food, breakfast ready. “Oh, after yesterday? Yeah I’m completely good now! Just needed to get home and nap is all.”</p><p>“Right.” <em>Yes, Gon, you were definitely having a nap and not masturbating on my bed</em> goes unsaid.</p><p>Gon waves him over. “What are you doing still sitting on the couch for? Get your ass over here and eat!” Killua wishes Gon didn’t say that because his mind is in horny mode right now and goes straight from ass, to Gon’s ass, to fucking Gon’s ass, and that’s really not a great thought when you’re wearing thin pyjama bottoms.</p><p>“Yeah, just give me a minute to change,” he says, already on his way to his room.</p><p>“You better not be going in there to fall asleep again!” Gon calls out, much too chipper than the morning warrants.</p><p>“I won’t, trust me.” Yeah <em>right</em>, like there’s any way he’s doing that when Gon literally fucked himself on it yesterday.</p><p>Once Killua’s changed into more appropriate running gear, he finds a plate of toast and avocado waiting for him on the table.</p><p>“Eat up, we’ll be going in ten minutes,” Gon says, eyes eager.</p><p>Killua nods, not trusting himself to say anything.</p><p>The room is filled with Gon’s loud chewing, and the sound of his leg shaking under the table. In contrast, Killua forces down the food. He really does not feel like eating, or going for a run, but he’ll do it for the sake of Gon’s happiness. </p><p>And Gon really does look happy. Any trace of weirdness from yesterday is gone, and he’s reverted to his former self. <em>Probably because he’s well fucked </em>whispers Killua’s brain.</p><p>He forces down another bite.</p><p>~</p><p>Okay, so Killua is a lot more unfit than he remembers. He hasn’t gone for a proper run in months, and Gon doesn’t seem to have that problem at all. In fact, he’s somehow able to have a conversation <em>while </em>they’re running, like Killua isn’t struggling enough. It would be a hit to his ego that he’s gasping through every word while Gon sounds perfectly normal if Killua wasn’t busy admiring how fit he is.</p><p>The morning air is cool, and Killua is glad for it. Gon leads them around the block and towards the inner city, and knowing it’s going to be a long run Killua lets his thoughts wander while Gon rambles on about the specifics of making the perfect lasagna.</p><p>Looking back on everything, he feels like an idiot for not realising Hunter was Gon before. The green hair was a massive clue. It’s not exactly a common physical trait yet it had somehow managed to slip past his mind. Hunter’s voice is another. Gon’s voice has become slightly deeper than when Killua last saw him, but the cadence and rhythm is the exact same. Then again, Killua hadn’t seen Gon for so long, and… there was quite a big physical change. He was always indescribably gorgeous but now it’s on a whole other level. And Killua finds it sickly humorous that he was worrying about jerking off to Gon this whole time when he’s already been doing it.</p><p>Killua decided while eating breakfast that he can’t tell Gon what he knows he’s Hunter. He can’t because that will ruin everything. Gon isn’t the type to freak out on him but it will still be awkward. Nothing will ever be the same. There’ll be too high a chance that Gon will leave. And Gon is not someone Killua is willing to lose.</p><p>“…so yeah, I’ve found a place to stay!” cuts in Gon’s voice. “I tried to organise everything so I could move straight in as soon as I got here, but the landlord said there was some paperwork she still needed to get done, so I’ll be good to go in two days! But don’t worry. It’s pretty close to yours, so don’t get too sick of me yet,” Gon finishes with a cheeky grin.</p><p>“How will you be paying for it?” slips out before Killua can catch himself.</p><p>Gon’s grin falls for a split second. “Oh, I do freelance work and stuff online.”</p><p><em>Liar. </em>“Oh cool, what type of freelance?” Why is Killua doing this? He’s not sure. Perhaps curiosity has gotten the better of him or he’s gone mentally insane. Either one goes.</p><p>Gon chuckles, and if Killua didn’t know he was lying he would’ve thought it genuine. “I edit people’s videos. Learnt while I was travelling and needed spare money.”</p><p>It’s probably true, Gon would need to edit his own stuff.</p><p>“Anyway,” Gon says, stopping abruptly on the sidewalk causing Killua to skid to a stop beside him. “Here’s my place!”</p><p>Wait, this means the apartment is only a twenty-minute run away. Killua won’t have to worry about not seeing Gon often at all. He can’t deny that the idea of Gon moving out in only a few days had set his stomach into knots. The city is big, and if he was unlucky, it could’ve taken an hour to reach him, but this… this is doable.</p><p>“It looks great, doesn’t it?” Gon exclaims.</p><p>“It looks like a regular set of apartment blocks.”</p><p>“Yeah, but one of them is mine now! I’d show you the inside, but I’m not allowed to yet.”</p><p>“You sure this place isn’t a scam?” It almost seems too good to be true.</p><p>“I’m sure. Kite recommended it to me so I don’t think the place will be a dump.”</p><p>Killua nods, trusting Kite’s judgement. It really isn’t a bad place. The area isn’t littered with too much garbage, and while there isn’t necessarily a nice view, it’s not completely grey and concreted.</p><p>“You did good.”</p><p>“Thanks! Now let’s get running again!”</p><p>Killua withholds a groan.</p><p>~</p><p>They get back home sweaty and panting. <em>Not in the way I’d like,</em> inputs Killua’s dumb brain.</p><p>“Why are you making that face for Killua?” comes Gon’s voice, and Killua panics.</p><p>“Huh? I’m not making a face!” Killua blurts, ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks.</p><p>“Yes, you are. Now spill.”</p><p>“I don’t need to spill anything because I wasn’t making a face. Idiot,” he adds.</p><p>Gon, who previously had been lying relaxed on the couch beside him sits up straight and immediately Killua realises he’s in danger. “If you won’t fess up, I’ll tickle you.”</p><p>Killua stills. “You wouldn’t dare.”</p><p>Gon eyes him menacingly and Killua knows he’s screwed. “You know I would.”</p><p>They lock eyes for several moments, stuck in a battle of wills. Gon’s eyes are intense, but Killua can’t look away. What else can he do? He can’t give up and confess he was making that face thinking of Gon being naked and sweaty with him. So he trudges through the seconds, resolute in the fact he’s not going to say a word. It ends up being Gon who looks away first, and Killua feels a temporary sense of triumph that’s immediately thwarted by a ball of muscle and energy barging toward him, knocking him to the ground, and tickling him.</p><p>If Killua has one glaring physical weakness, it would be how ticklish he is. And Gon seems perfectly happy to exploit that weakness.</p><p>“Stop! Gon please!” Killua gasps, squeezing his eyes shut as Gon assaults him with tickles to the neck. Killua fights and tries to wriggle out of Gon’s grip, desperate, but Gon has pinned him down with his legs, meaning the only way he’s getting out of this is if he throws Gon off him. But Killua does not have the physical advantage here.</p><p>Gon continues to tickle him, and as each minute passes by, Killua loses more and more breath as he kicks to get free. But Gon is steadfast and strong, and Killua can’t move an inch as he’s assailed with more and more tickling, gasping for air.</p><p>“Just tell me and I’ll stop!” giggles Gon, much too happy to be torturing Killua than a decent friend should be.</p><p>“You—asshole!” he gets out between strained breaths.</p><p>“Tell me! Tell me!”</p><p>This is how Killua’s going to die. Suffocated to death by tickling.</p><p>And there Gon is on top of him, looking like he’s having the time of his life, grinning wide with his stupid Christmas hair, and despite feeling like he’s dying, Killua can’t help but admire him.</p><p>“Tell me what you were thinking!”</p><p>Gon is too distractingly beautiful for his own good because Killua says it before he even registers thinking it.</p><p>“You,” he blurts out, unbidden.</p><p>Gon freezes on top of him, and although a tidal wave of panic rises in Killua’s throat, he can’t help but be relieved by the reprieve in tickling.</p><p>“What did you say?” Gon asks, staring down at him.</p><p>He is so screwed. He is so <em>screwed. </em>“Nothing.”</p><p>“You said 'you', Killua,” Gon says slowly, his mouth now ticking upward.</p><p>His heart feels like it’s going through a blender but he still doesn’t say a word.</p><p>“You were thinking about me!” Gon reiterates, positively beaming now.</p><p>Why couldn’t he have played it cool? Why couldn’t he just lie? He can’t possibly do it now. Gon will know in an instant if he does. The possibility of Killua revealing another secret does pop up in his brain, but that’s not an option, considering the only other one he can think of is how deeply in love with Gon he is. Despite everything, Killua still can’t find it in himself to open his mouth.</p><p>His silence must reveal something to Gon, however, because something sparks in his eye. Killua doesn’t like that at all. As Gon stares down at him, it only gets worse. He’s scanning Killua’s face like he’s trying to <em>find </em>something. Like he’s realised something and he’s trying to find proof. There’s only one possible reason for that, because it’s not like he can read his expression and know Killua knows he’s Hunter. Gon must suspect Killua likes him. He hasn’t been subtle in his admiration for Gon so it’s not that hard to believe. But the truth of that is unbearable. “Hey, do you by chance—”</p><p>Killua can’t let him finish that sentence. He’s too scared by what it might mean. By what it might lead to. Before he knows it, he’s yelled out, “I know what your job is!”</p><p>Killua freezes, and Gon above him has too. Both their bodies tense as the silence draws out. Gon’s face has gone blank but Killua can tell he’s picking out his next few words carefully. “You know… I do freelance editing?”</p><p>Killua shakes his head. There’s no turning back now. “No. I know you do cam stuff.”</p><p>Gon pauses on his lap, his legs still pinning Killua’s down. And every molecule of his body is screaming at him to run away as he awaits Gon’s reaction. Gon’s face flickers from shock, to fear, and then to something Killua could interpret as interest if he didn’t know better. And then Gon laughs, loud and bright, and Killua has no idea what’s going on.</p><p>“You’re so adorable,” Gon says, his mouth tugging upwards. “Really adorable.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Gon smiles harder, and then he says something that knocks Killua’s entire being off kilter. “I like you.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’ve liked you for a long time,” Gon continues. “As in more than a friend, if you somehow find a way to explain my words away. I like you a lot.”</p><p>Killua’s world is exploding. The very core of the earth is deteriorating at this very moment, dooming humanity to destruction, but Killua is alight and burning and full of hope.</p><p>“What?” Killua whispers, starting to feel like a broken record.</p><p>“I like you,” Gon repeats, shattering Killua’s world yet again. “I have to admit I was hoping to wait a bit longer to confess, and you probably think it’s weird that I’m choosing this moment to tell you, but if you know about me being a camboy… Let’s just say I’m a bit desperate, and I’m hoping by telling you… you won’t be scared away.”</p><p>That jolts Killua’s brain back into gear, shoving ‘<em>he likes me</em>’ away temporarily. “Why would it scare me away?”</p><p>Gon’s mouth turns into a strained grimace. “My job’s not exactly something people look at favourably.” He pauses. “So what do you say, Killua? Got anything to say? Because if I’m being honest, I’m kinda freaking out right now.”</p><p>This is so much information to process at once. Rapid fire, Killua flicks through all the facts: One, Gon likes him. Two, Gon knows that Killua knows he’s Hunter. Three, Gon likes him. Four, Gon thinks that Killua will somehow think less of him because of what he does. And five, because Killua really wants to reiterate this point, <em>Gon likes him. </em></p><p>He doesn’t even have time to consider the why, the how, the when; all he can think of is Gon, right now, straddled on top of him, his eyes so brown, and wide and hopeful and <em>scared. </em></p><p>What slips out of Killua’s mouth is unexpected even to him. “You already know that I like you.”</p><p>And despite the terror clinging to him, Killua can’t find it in himself to regret his words. If Gon really likes him, then he deserves this. If Gon is scared of rejection, Killua has to snuff that fear out immediately.</p><p>Gon remains silent, so Killua continues. “I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember.”</p><p>He did it, he actually confessed. He feels both lighter and heavier, and despite Gon’s earlier reciprocation of feelings, the possibility of rejection still weighs at the back of his mind.</p><p>Gon simply goes wide eyed, his mouth dangling slightly open, and before Killua can read into that more, he whispers, amazement filling his voice, “I-I always hoped, and sometimes I thought it was true, but I never let myself really believe it.”</p><p>“Wow, was I that obvious?”</p><p>Gon shakes his head. “You weren’t. Although now I know, I have to apologise for putting you in purposefully embarrassing situations and flirting with you relentlessly. It must’ve made it hard to keep it a secret.” Gon’s smile is mischievous now and Killua both wants to both smash it with his mouth and with his fist for torturing him so much.</p><p>“You knew!” Killua yells, pointing accusingly up at him. “You knew the remote was for a vibrator! And the time at the park… you were messing with me all along!”</p><p>Gon at least has the decency to look a bit ashamed this time. “Guilty.”</p><p>Despite embarrassment and anger flaring through him, and the fact <em>we both like each other, why are we not making out already? </em>races through his mind, Killua can’t remain completely mad with Gon, not when he looks so endearingly shy and playful above him.</p><p>“Have you even considered once in that dumb head of yours how I know you’re Hunter?”</p><p>That spooks the smile off Gon’s face once again, and when Killua realises that he hasn’t thought about it at all, his heart squeezes with how much he loves this dumb idiot.</p><p>“Uhh, actually no.”</p><p>Killua laughs. “You have no idea how fucking mind-blowing it was for me to find out the one guy I’ve actually paid to watch porn of was my best friend that I’ve liked since forever.”</p><p>“So… you actually watched my videos?”</p><p>“How else would I know Hunter was you?”</p><p>Gon shrugs. “I don’t know—wait, so you saw what I did on your bed?”</p><p>“Everything.”</p><p>Gon’s face turns a bright shade of red, and Killua finds it adorable that he’s more embarrassed by <em>that </em>than the whole being a camboy thing. “I’m so sorry, Killua! I kept it clean I promise!”</p><p>“You sure didn’t look sorry doing it.”</p><p>A smile twitches on Gon’s mouth. “Well… no.”</p><p>Killua can’t think of much more to say, instead he focuses on the curve of Gon’s lips…</p><p>They both like each other and they both know it, so what now? Gon answers that question for him.</p><p>He changes, not drastically, but enough to make Killua shiver. The darkness of Gon’s eyes, the smirk playing on his lips, the lack of space between them, the shift of his hips, it all causes blood to start rushing downward. And Killua is reminded once again that Gon is Hunter.</p><p>“So did you enjoy it, Killua?” Gon asks, voice raspy, causing pricks of heat to spark through Killua.</p><p>“Enjoy what?”</p><p>“Did you enjoy watching me fuck myself?”</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>Suddenly, all Killua can think about are Gon’s strong thighs pressed against him, the proximity of his mouth, and the fact that he’s allowed to <em>touch</em> now.</p><p>Then Gon moves, and before Killua has even registered his swift change of position, Gon’s lips are against his neck, exactly where he’d previously tickled him and Killua can’t breathe for a completely different reason this time. As Gon mouths at his neck, each press of lips lighting up his entire body, Gon finds time to slot a knee between Killua’s legs, pressing them closer together. Killua gasps when he feels the hardness of Gon against him. Shit, he really does want this as much as him…</p><p>When Gon stops, Killua almost whines but is stopped by the way Gon is staring down at him. His eyes are blown wide, and his mouth is pink with saliva, but he’s smiling softly like Killua is the most beautiful thing he’s seen all day. Killua can’t believe how lucky he is. “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Killua huffs a laugh. Gon can be weirdly oblivious sometimes. “Hell fucking <em>yes.”</em></p><p>Gon beams, then cups his head in his hands and then his lips are against Killua’s, and <em>wow. </em>It’s so soft, and warm and perfect all at once, and Killua is vibrating with happiness. How long he’s waited for this, for Gon to be against him, to feel his lips. Gon is so gentle with him and Killua thought his world was exploding before but he was so wrong. Now it’s astronomical, supernova levels of destruction tearing its way through his body, making him feel as though he and Gon are the last two people in the universe.</p><p>His thoughts are disrupted by Gon swivelling his hips, and Killua’s vision whites out for a second. “<em>Gon,</em>” he gasps, tearing his mouth away.</p><p>Gon’s panting breath is hot against his mouth. “Yes, Killua?”</p><p>“<em>Please.</em>”</p><p>“Please what?” Gon says with a smirk, and Killua is so frustrated he doesn’t care how desperate he sounds.</p><p>“Please fuck me, let me fuck you, <em>anything. </em>Just <em>touch me.</em>”</p><p>The seconds tick by, Gon just staring at him, and Killua’s skin itches with slight insecurity.</p><p>But then Gon grinds against him. It’s just a simple push of his hips but Killua is so grateful, he moans, and <em>loudly. </em></p><p>Killua doesn’t even have time to be embarrassed because Gon is doing it again and again, whispering hot in his ear, “Don’t worry Killua, I’ll make you scream.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WE'RE FINALLY AT THE SMUT! I'm sorry for leaving it on a cliffhanger but I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I think there'll only be about 2-3 more, so we're almost at the end ahh. Again, I love any and all comments, they really motivate me to keep writing :D  thank you all for being so supportive!.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua splutters as Gon’s words ring in his ears, <em>Don’t worry Killua, I’ll make you scream. </em></p><p>Who just <em>says </em>things like that? Apparently Gon does. And apparently Killua’s the type to like someone who says things like that. Gon—his voice, his words<em>, </em>all of it and everything turns Killua into a speechless mess and if Gon’s smirk is any indication, he seems to be enjoying his reaction. </p><p>Killua can’t believe this is the very same man who asked how babies were made when they were twelve. That his innocent, wide-eyed best friend is now pressing up against him with a confidence that heats up his insides. Just when Killua thinks it can’t get any worse, Gon says something that nearly kills him. “I bet you’re going to look so pretty coming on my cock, Killua.”</p><p>Killua’s entire body burns, and despite the words turning him on more than he’d like, it’s enough to finally shock him out of his stupor. “What the <em>fuck</em>, Gon?” he screeches.</p><p>Gon giggles, and instead of properly answering him, says, “You’re seriously too adorable. I still can’t really believe you actually like me too… You’re beautiful.”</p><p>The praise makes Killua flush, but he still has <em>some</em> self-preservation. So he goes to protest again when— </p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>Oh <em>fuck. </em></p><p>Gon’s knee rubs against him suddenly, hard and firm. A slow but intense pressure that has Killua’s core to his fingertips tingling. “Ah, <em>Gon,” </em>he cries out unwittingly, forgetting about any attempts to resist.</p><p>Gon doesn’t say a word. Instead, he simply continues with that devastating press of his knee as he studies Killua’s face with such intensity, it’s paralysing.</p><p>Killua squeezes his eyes shut to hide, but he can still <em>feel </em>Gon’s stare. He can still feel it when he throws his head back as much as the floor beneath him will allow, he feels it when he bites back a moan, and when a moan escapes him anyway. Gon watches it all, his stare burning through to Killua’s very soul. And his steady gaze paired with the delicious pressure on his dick has Killua shivering against him, hopeless to whatever Gon wants from him.</p><p>Then the pressure is gone, and Killua swears his dick cries. The dampness in his ruined pants can contest to that.</p><p>“Why’d you stop?” Killua demands, and wow<em>, </em>he has never heard himself sound so <em>wrecked </em>before.</p><p>He can practically hear the smile in Gon’s voice. “As much as I want to fuck you on the floor, Killua. I’d prefer out first time to be a <em>little</em> more special than that.”</p><p>Killua’s face scrunches but his heart does a strange leap. Gon is the sappiest person he’s ever met, even now, and Killua sort of (more than) likes that. Then Gon presses a soft kiss to his mouth, and sighs against him, and the fire in Killua’s gut simmers. Gon’s so close and warm, and the kiss is so sweet and slow, Killua could do just this forever.</p><p>When Gon breaks away, Killua feels cold. “Come on, let’s go to your room,” Gon says, sounding as wrecked as Killua is, but he only vaguely registers that before enthusiastically nodding.</p><p>Gon’s hand is warm against his as he helps Killua up from the floor. It’s weird to think that only an hour ago, Killua was worried about ruining their entire friendship.</p><p>Killua follows Gon through the door and the moment it clicks shut, Gon grabs him.</p><p>A little ‘oof’ escapes him as his back hits the door, but his sharp inhale of surprise becomes smothered by Gon’s mouth covering his.</p><p>There’s no softness now, only blazing fire, and Killua can barely breath—not that he would want to anyway. All he wants is this current moment; the press of Gon’s body against his, Gon’s tongue sliding insistently against his.</p><p>Gon’s hands slide up his arms to cradle his head softly, leaving a trail of goosebumps against his skin, and forces Killua’s chin upwards to deepen the kiss. It’s impossibly better this way. Deep and searing hot, Gon fucks his throat with his tongue. And when he grinds his hips, Killua feels as though he could come on the spot.</p><p>Killua jolts his mouth away to warn him, but finds himself speechless at the sight he encounters. It’s <em>obscene—</em>enough to make his hips jerk involuntarily, sending another wave of pleasure through him. Gon’s stare is dark, hot and heady, but it’s where he bites his lip where…  oh <em>fuck, </em>where a strand of spit connects their mouths that Killua yearns to be fucked on the spot. Gon’s lips are pink and glossy, and it <em>should </em>be gross, and it definitely <em>shouldn’t </em>turn Killua on, but fuck him if it isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever seen.</p><p>Instead of words, the only thing that spills from his mouth is a strained, “uhh.” Gon smirks, obviously enjoying Killua’s astonishment, then closes the distance between them, biting at Killua’s mouth with small nips. When Gon leaves a particularly hard bite to Killua’s bottom lip, he lets out an embarrassing noise.</p><p>“Did you want to say something, Killua?” Gon asks, tone teasing, mocking, and it causes a surge of defiance to flare through Killua. Just because he wants Gon to fuck him, doesn’t mean that Gon should have complete control over him. Gon is still Gon. And Killua is still Killua. They’re on equal ground.</p><p>“Just didn’t want to come when I haven’t even seen you naked yet,” he says, not letting his voice waver.</p><p>There’s a quirk of lips. “Oh? Well, we can change that.”</p><p>In a sudden flurry of movement, Killua finds himself pinned face up on the bed, Gon sitting on his lap. That’s bad enough—Gon’s full weight resting on his crotch—but then Gon shucks off his shirt, leaving Killua to ogle hopelessly.</p><p>Gon is fucking magnificent; his broad shoulders, the dip of his waist, his defined abs. It’s the body that Killua has both intentionally and unintentionally been lusting for and he could happily spend hours exploring every crevice of it, but that’s for later. Right now, he wants to be fucked. So he grapples desperately for his own shirt, and as soon as he has it off Gon pounces on him.</p><p>It starts at Killua’s neck—little bites and kisses that slowly trail down his body, lighting up his skin in their wake. Gon is thorough as he does exactly what Killua wanted to do to him. He finds a spot on Killua’s collarbone that makes him shiver, he laps and sucks at Killua’s nipples like he’s starved, and he bites at Killua’s hip bones relentlessly, and Killua feels like molten lava.</p><p>Killua has never considered himself loud in bed but Gon is really forcing him to test that theory. Moans escape him without permission with each kiss and bite and it’s all worsened by the fact that Gon has completely stopped touching his cock. In short, Killua has never been so hard in his life.</p><p>Killua’s moans turn to frustration when Gon stops moving any lower. Gon seems to be particularly fixated on his abdomen and hips. Instead of pulling down his shorts, Gon simply plays with his waistband and brushes his lips against the sensitive skin of his lower stomach. It’s so close yet so far and Killua is on the verge of begging. As Gon continues to take his sweet time, Killua clings to the bedsheets to restrain himself from grabbing Gon by the head and forcefully pushing that teasing mouth of his down to where he’s straining in his shorts.</p><p>After what feels like centuries have passed, Gon continues to fucking <em>tease, </em>he doesn’t dip lower, he doesn’t <em>touch </em>him and when Killua whines, desperate and dissatisfied, Gon smirks against his skin. Killua snaps. “What the fuck are you doing, Gon?”</p><p>Gon looks up at him, eyes wide and innocent, as though he’s not purposefully fucking with him and enjoying his frustrated state. “Am I doing something wrong?”</p><p>“It’s what you’re not doing that’s the problem!”</p><p>“Oh? You want me to do this?” At that, still with those fucking deceptively innocent brown eyes of his, he simultaneously pulls Killua’s shorts and underwear down to his knees, grabs his thighs, and swallows Killua whole.</p><p>Stars flash behind Killua’s eyes as he bucks instinctively into Gon’s mouth. <em>Fuck, </em>he didn’t mean to do that, he really didn’t mean to do that, but Gon’s mouth is so <em>hot </em>and <em>wet, </em>and Killua can’t stop himself.</p><p>Killua murmurs out a garbled, “Sorry—I’m so sorry,” but he doesn’t stop rocking his hips, and Gon doesn’t stop either. No, Gon is <em>moaning. </em>As Killua fucks his mouth, Gon lets out moans that have Killua’s cock quivering in pleasure from their vibrations. And <em>shit,</em> Gon has to have done this before, because he does something with his tongue that blacks out Killua’s vision for a second.</p><p>Killua clings to his hair, fingers winding perhaps a bit too tight, but now that Gon is his, now that Gon’s mouth is on him, there’s no extinguishing the fire burning through him. Overwhelming and unending pleasure pulses through him, and he clings to any semblance of reality. Gon is messing with his head. That hot mouth of his is messing with his head. But Gon doesn’t stop, even when Killua thrusts into his mouth again and again and again.</p><p>Killua starts shaking as the pleasure reaches it’s peak. He tries to warn Gon, he tries to tell Gon to stop, but then Gon swallows him, and Killua can feel his fucking <em>throat, </em>and his vision whites out completely. Killua faintly registers a loud drawn out noise in the room, and by the time he realises it’s the sound of his own moans, his entire body is tingling and Gon has pulled off of him, kissing the head of his cock with little brushes off his lips that destroy Killua’s hold on reality.</p><p>The image of his best friend—the love of his life, the boy who radiates light— with lips wet with precum and saliva is so <em>dirty</em> it’s enough to make Killua’s cock twitch despite having just come. Gon smiles, pressing another kiss to Killua’s tip, and <em>god,</em> Killua wants to kiss him badly.</p><p>Killua pulls Gon towards him for just that. He doesn’t care that he can taste himself, not when he can taste Gon too. He kisses him deep and slow, provoking little moans from Gon that make Killua’s stomach flutter.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Killua gasps through the kiss. “I’m sorry, I was so rough—”</p><p>Gon shuts him up with a peck to the lips. It lasts for only a few seconds before he buries his face into Killua’s neck. “There’s no need to be sorry… I’m so happy, Killua,” he whispers.</p><p>Killua’s heart stutters in his throat, and he couldn’t stop the smile on his face if he tried. “Me too.”</p><p>Gon‘s smile when he looks at him is radiant, the embodiment of sunshine, and Killua doesn’t think he’s ever said words so true before.</p><p>Then Gon’s smile turns mischievous and his eyes darken, and Killua realises he still hasn’t gotten off. Something deep in Killua’s soul yearns to see Gon in the throes of pleasure, but he can’t do a thing about it because Gon’s kissing down his body again, and by the time Killua’s processed what’s happened, Gon is licking at his cock once more. Holy shit. Killua will never forget the sight of Gon’s lips wrapped around him.</p><p>Killua’s whole body is quivers, cock twitching and oversensitive from having just come. But Gon quickly pulls away to move to the bedside table, and Killua understands immediately.</p><p>Gon returns, lube in hand, his cock hard in the shorts he’s still, unfortunately, wearing. When he slicks his fingers, his eyes become questioning.</p><p>The thud of Killua’s heart is audible in his ears, but he’s never wanted something more in his life. “Do it,” he demands, blushing to his ears. “Fuck me with your fingers.”</p><p>Gon nods, then smiles, and Killua feels himself relax. He didn’t realise he was tense in the first place but then he remembers; <em>He’s about to lose his virginity. </em></p><p>His body shakes with anticipation as he gets on all fours. There’s a rustle of movement behind him and then a cool finger is pressing against him, making Killua moan despite himself. He’s obviously touched himself there before, but not like this. Never before has he felt so <em>sensitive. </em></p><p>Gon is quick but thorough as he works him open, sending sparks flying through his entire body, and when Gon palms his semi-hard cock, Killua whimpers against his will. “<em>Fuck, more please.”</em></p><p>Gon’s finger slips past his rim, the sensation not entirely comfortable, but with Gon’s hand touching his cock, he quickly finds himself rocking back onto the finger.</p><p>Gon has barely penetrated him, yet the dual sensations coming from his cock and ass have quickly spiralled the moment into the best he’s felt in his life. His mind becomes blurry with pleasure, barely even registering when a second finger enters him. He’s already so ready—so easy and open, but Gon continues to scissor him wider and wider.</p><p>Killua tries to fuck himself more deeply on Gon’s fingers, but Gon doesn’t let him. Instead, Gon makes a tutting noise and Killua whines at the spare hand stilling him, wishing Gon would just get a move on.</p><p>Killua <em>needs </em>this. It already feels so good, but that one spot inside him is begging to be touched, and Gon <em>won’t let him</em>. Gon is purposefully not touching the spot that will make Killua scream.</p><p>But Gon goes about that in his own way.</p><p>When Gon rubs his thumb over the head of his cock, Killua whines, his body shaking as it tries to decide whether to rock backward or forward. With trembling legs, he ends up doing both. “Oh my god,” Killua whispers, throwing his head back as his vision spots.</p><p>Gon teases him again and again, adding a third finger but never goes quite deep enough. And when Gon begins thrusting his fingers in and out, just out of reach of his prostate, Killua’s eyes sting with tears. He’s at his breaking point.</p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>me, Gon. <em>Please</em>,” he begs, his voice wrecked with desperation.</p><p>Killua hears a sharp intake of breath, and the fingers inside him falter. Gon’s voice is deep when he responds, “Ask nicely.”</p><p>The command causes Killua’s cock to dribble onto the sheets, and he replies eagerly. “<em>Please. </em>Gon, <em>please. </em>I’m begging you to fuck me. I need—I need—”</p><p>Gon’s fingers leave his ass, and Killua only feels empty for a second before getting distracted by the reassuring kisses Gon starts peppering along his back. “Beautiful,” Gon whispers, after each kiss, and somehow, despite all that they’ve done, this is what makes Killua feel the most vulnerable. It’s so achingly sweet, he feels like his heart could burst.</p><p>Killua is left shivering on the bed when Gon pulls away. He watches as Gon moves to the bedside draw again to put on a condom and then Gon’s angling his cock at his hole. Somehow, Killua relaxes. He probably should feel a little more anticipation, a little twinge of fear, but he presses his hips back at that first touch, desperate to get Gon inside him.</p><p>There’s nothing to fear anyway. Not with Gon.</p><p>Gon continues to leave kisses along his back as he presses forward, and Killua moans when the head of his cock finally nudges inside him, spreading him wide. It’s a lot. Definitely a lot. But Killua has so much pent-up frustration from Gon’s fingering that, without warning, he rocks back and impales himself on Gon’s cock in one vicious stoke. “<em>Fuck,” </em>Killua whimpers as Gon grinds past his prostate. He feels so <em>full, </em>but there’s barely any pain, only mind-blowing pleasure.</p><p>Gon groans behind him, obviously enjoying the sudden tightness around him, and Killua waits, adjusting to the feeling of fullness.</p><p>A few seconds pass and then it’s like a flip got switched. Grabbing Killua by the hips, Gon pulls back, and braces as he thrusts into Killua fully for the first time. He goes deeper and deeper with each push, dragging over Killua’s prostate, picking up speed, grinding their bodies together like kindling building a fire.</p><p>Killua’s arms are trembling and he collapses forward onto the bed, a string of moans escaping him as Gon finally fucks him in earnest. Like this, his cock is trapped between his body and the mattress, and Killua can’t do anything but whimper and take it.</p><p>“You’re so gorgeous,” Gon rasps out, gravelly and dark, continuing to fuck Killua into the bed. “So fucking gorgeous. I wanted to fuck you the moment I set my eyes on you.”</p><p>Killua is on fire, the praise amplifying every sensation.</p><p>“You have no idea how fucking hot you are,” Gon continues, dragging his cock over Killua prostate again and again. “Every time I was on camera,” Killua moans just thinking about it. “I thought of you.”</p><p>Gon doesn’t stop his devastating pace and Killua’s eyes roll back in pleasure. He can’t think, he can only feel.</p><p>“So. Fucking. Beautiful,” Gon growls out.</p><p>And it’s like Gon’s praise is connected to Killua’s dick, because every word uttered from his mouth has Killua’s body singing and moaning loud enough to ensure a complaint from the neighbours. Gon has certainly made him scream.</p><p>Killua isn’t sure when he closes his eyes. All he knows is that his vision goes from black to bursts of brilliant colour, sparks that ignite every time Gon stuffs himself in up to the hilt and murmurs a word of praise.</p><p>It all goes white when Gon brushes his prostate with a whispered, “beautiful.” This orgasm is hard, way harder than the first. It singes Killua’s nerves, tingles through his whole body, quivers right into his cock.</p><p>He doesn’t even realise it has made him come at first. The shock is still reverberating through his body. Only when it passes does he understand what’s happening.</p><p>Gon must realise it too. He grabs Killua’s hips, yanks him close, and buries himself deeper than he’s gone yet and cries, “<em>I love you.”</em></p><p>Killua’s cock sputters, a few last drops splattering across the sheets as Gon empties inside him.</p><p>But Killua's mind won't stop racing.</p><p>Gon loves him.</p><p>Gon loves him.</p><p>
  <em>Gon loves him. </em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was really nervous to post this chapter, so please feel free to leave a comment! tell me if I did good, if I did bad, anything really. I’m up for any and all feedback!</p><p>Anyways I really hope you guys enjoyed, and I hope you have a wonderful day/evening :)</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
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    <p>Killua freezes for a few seconds before the words’ meaning catch up on him and then he’s grinning into the sheets. How could he not? Gon <em>loves </em>him.</p><p>It doesn’t matter that he can barely breathe under Gon’s entire body weight. It doesn’t matter that there’s an uncomfortable wetness dripping down his legs. It doesn’t matter that he’s lying in his own mess. It doesn’t matter that he’ll be sore tomorrow. None of that matters because Gon <em>loves</em> him.</p><p>With his body still high from orgasm and from Gon’s words, Killua starts giggling. It triggers Gon to start too, and Killua can feel his laughing vibrate into his back, spurring on more fits of giggles. Their laughs fill the room, made of joy and affection and slight disbelief that all this actually happened at all. And then Gon says again, <em>I love you, I love you, I love you, </em>pressing soft kisses at the nape of his neck, and Killua has never felt such pure happiness before.</p><p>When Gon says “I love you” for the twentieth time, Killua has had enough of not saying it back and rolls over to unpin himself from in between Gon’s body and the bed, gasping slightly when Gon slips out of him. Moving makes it evident how gross they are, from sweat to… other bodily fluids and they’ll definitely need to shower later, but Killua needs to say it. The urge to tell Gon how deep his feelings go has been itching at him for years, and now that the opportunity is right as his fingertips <em>without </em>the risk of ruining their friendship, there’s no turning back.</p><p>But as soon as he faces Gon front on—his smile, his soft eyes, his messed-up hair—Killua’s throat closes up, and the words seem stuck, unwilling to escape. But then the sides of Gon’s eyes crinkle further and he’s holding Killua’s hands in his, reassuring, and Killua unfreezes. It’s only Gon. There’s nothing to be afraid of or nervous about as long as he’s with him. And so he says it. “I… I love you too.”</p><p>He hates how unsure he sounds. He hates it because of how deep and certain he is that his words are true, but any doubt and self-hatred blow away when Gon beams, wide and blinding, like Killua has solved all the problems in the world. The flutter of nerves in Killua’s chest calms now that Gon knows that he loves him.</p><p>Gon kisses him then, soft but earnest, and Killua responds eagerly.</p><p>Their bodies are gross from sex, but they act all the same, touching each other like they’re starved, uncaring about the world around them. “I love you so much,” Killua whispers again when they finally stop kissing, because he’s aching to say it again. All those times he couldn’t say it all spewing out at once, making up for those lost opportunities.</p><p>Gon smiles again, (Killua doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of seeing it) and presses his forehead against Killua’s, his thumb rubbing his thigh reassuringly, and suddenly Killua yearns for the what if’s. For what could have happened if they’d only figured this out earlier. They have the whole day ahead of them, the whole future, but Killua can’t help but think about the days they lost.</p><p>“We were so stupid,” he whispers.</p><p>Gon laughs, hot air brushing his lips. “Maybe, but I don’t think I would change a thing,” he says, like he read Killua’s thoughts. He pauses, and Killua can feel the curve of his mouth. “I like that we figured it out this way. I’m glad that I’m with you, here and now.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Killua hums, pressing another kiss to Gon’s lips. “But then I wouldn’t have had to be a virgin for so long,” he adds idly.</p><p>He’s surprised by the way Gon jolts back, brows furrowed in confusion. “What did you say?”</p><p>“I just meant that if we had got our shit together earlier, I wouldn’t have been a virgin for so long.”</p><p>Gon’s eyes scan his face for a second, as though searching for any sign that Killua lied, and when he finds none, he turns distraught. </p><p>“You were a virgin?” Gon whines, burying his face in his hands. Then he looks up at him with distressed eyes and tugs at his hair, annoyed at himself. “I’m so sorry, Killua. I should’ve been gentler, I should’ve made it better for you—”</p><p>“Gon.”</p><p>“What if I had <em>hurt </em>you—”</p><p>“Gon.”</p><p>“And ruined your trust in me forever and—”</p><p>“Gon!” Killua shouts, finally shutting Gon up from his rambling. “You have nothing to worry about.” Killua feels his face go hot at this, “It was… really good.”</p><p>Gon still looks pained. “Still, I shouldn’t have been so rough!”</p><p>Killua coughs, unable to stop the blush spreading across his cheeks. “Again, that wasn’t a problem. I really really liked it… like a lot.”</p><p>Gon pauses, takes in the pink of his cheeks, then smirks.</p><p>Killua averts his eyes, unable to handle how Gon’s smirking makes him feel, and warns, “I hope you don’t treat me like some blushing virgin next time. I’ll kill you if you do.”</p><p>“Trust me, I won’t.”</p><p>“Might take a few days though, I’m going to be sore as hell tomorrow no thanks to you.” Killua smiles, not actually mad, and expects to face an apologetic Gon. Instead all the air is shoved out of his chest when Gon says, eyes dark;</p><p>“You’ll just have to fuck me then.”</p><p>Killua feels his cock twitch, his mind instantly flooded with images, of Gon spread out under him, trembling and beautiful, as he takes in his cock…</p><p>“Uhh,” is the only sound Killua is capable of making. Any coherent sentence is overridden with the thought of fucking Gon, of bringing him over the edge again and again.</p><p>Gon smirks like he knows exactly what he’s doing to Killua, and it’s because he <em>does</em>. Gon knows exactly what effect he has on people. He knows how charming and attracting and completely irresistible he is. He’s made a <em>living </em>out of it for god’s sake.</p><p>So Killua elects to wipe the smirk off his face by kissing him. It quickly unravels into him pinning Gon to the bed this time, enjoying the flush of Gon’s cheeks and bare chest.</p><p>They’re less rushed this time as they slowly unravel each other, gasping into each other’s mouth, rutting against each other. When Gon comes, it’s with him gasping on Killua’s fingers, allowing Killua to appreciate every beautiful expression of his face, and Killua can’t help but think how much better this is than through a screen. It only takes half a dozen strokes of Gon’s hand on him to push him over the edge too.</p><p>They attempt to shower, but it’s like they’ve crossed the point of no return and they’ve reverted into horny teenagers because they go at it again. Pressed against the shower wall, with rivulets of hot water dripping down on them, Killua ends up sobbing with pleasure as Gon takes them both in hand. It’s wet, steamy and perfect, and Gon’s every gasp, every whimper, becomes burned into his brain to remember forever.</p><p>Later, when they’re lying in bed, sore, and sheets in need of a good wash from them fucking yet <em>again</em>, they simply cuddle. Gon’s arms are warm and safe around him and, as the seconds tick by, Killua busies himself with running his fingers over the soft, sensitive skin of Gon’s chest. He discovers that Gon has a small scar below his ribcage and traces his finger over it. Touching Gon is so easy, so wonderful, and Killua thinks he could get drunk from it.</p><p>Gon has always been so beautiful, but even after all they’ve done today, he still can’t completely comprehend it. Killua wants to devour him entirely, and it boggles his mind that Gon would actually allow him to if he asked. Killua doesn’t know what he did to win the lottery of life, but he doesn’t want to complain, instead, he presses a kiss to Gon’s shoulder.</p><p>Suddenly, a question materialises in his mind, one that had been poking at him unconsciously. “When did you know you were gay?”</p><p>Killua had always thought Gon liked girls. His entire life, Gon has been a hopeless romantic, going on about finding a wife one day, and breaking Killua’s heart in the process. But something big must have disrupted that once very clear trajectory because Gon is in bed with him now.</p><p>“I’m not gay,” Gon says, shocking Killua for the split second that he pauses. “I’m actually bi. I like girls <em>and </em>boys.”</p><p>“I know what bi means, dumbass,” Killua says, but he blinks, taking in the meaning. It makes perfect sense, it wasn’t like Gon would lie about liking girls all those years ago. He grazes Gon’s collarbone with his fingertips when he asks, “So how’d you know you like guys too?”</p><p>Gon laughs, his palms warm on Killua’s back. “It just… hit me one day, that I would be just as happy marrying a guy than a girl.”</p><p>Killua nods, itching to ask if there was a particular person that triggered that realisation, but Gon continues, “Actually that’s not quite right, I think I would be <em>happier </em>marrying a guy.” There’s a brief silence, Killua’s heart thudding loudly, and then Gon’s tilting Killua’s chin up to smile at him, soft and tender, and Killua understands the implications immediately.</p><p>“Did you just propose to me!?” Killua squawks.</p><p>“Of course not,” Gon says, calm as ever. “There’s no way I’m proposing to you like this.”</p><p>“So you will one day?!” Killua’s blush reaches the tips of his ears now.</p><p>“Why not?” Gon replies, a smile tugging his lips, and Killua gets the distinct feeling that he’s enjoying how caught of guard he is.</p><p>“I can’t believe you,” Killua says, burying his face in Gon’s chest.</p><p>Killua feels Gon’s laugh in reply, and Killua can’t help the affection bubbling inside him. They haven’t even confirmed what their relationship is yet, but marrying Gon doesn’t feel scary or too much, it feels <em>right. </em>It might be because of how long they’ve been best friends for, and how he knows Gon’s every quirk, every bad habit, every flaw, and the fact that he’s loved him for years anyway. Whatever it is, marriage is in their future, and it makes Killua feel light and giddy. But first, he just wants to enjoy Gon as his boyfriend, something he’s not even sure if he is yet considering they haven’t discussed it. They kind of skipped over that when they went straight from confessing to fucking… although that’s something he definitely wants to change.</p><p>“Before we get into marriage,” Killua whispers, suddenly unsure, “how about we start off with dating?” </p><p>Killua glances at Gon to discover him trying and failing to hold in a laugh, his mouth twitches upwards and his eyes sparkle with humour, and then he breaks into a grin that Killua wants to punch off his face with his mouth. “You’re adorable,” he says, croaky with repressed laughter.</p><p>Indignation rises in Killua’s chest at the same velocity as the pink in his cheeks. “What is <em>that </em>supposed to mean?”</p><p>“It’s just—” Gon finally giggles, “You’re just <em>so cute.</em>”</p><p>Killua burns even further, and when he’s sure he resembles a very ripe tomato, Gon takes pity on him. “Will you be my boyfriend, Killua?” he says, very formal, and very much making fun of Killua.</p><p>“Fuck off,” Killua mutters, nudging him away slightly, but he still says, after very little deliberation, “Yes, as long as you promise to buy me chocolate robots at least once a week.”</p><p>“It’s a done deal.”</p><p>“<em>And </em>you move in with me,” Killua finishes.</p><p>The thought has been in Killua’s mind from the moment he heard Gon was coming back, and he doesn’t see a point in holding back now. But when Gon goes quiet, Killua loses his confidence, rambling, “That is if you want to. I know the papers at your place haven’t been completely finalised yet but I completely understand if you want your own space and—”</p><p>“Killua, I would love to,” Gon interrupts.</p><p>Killua’s chest lightens. “Really?”</p><p>“If I’m being honest, I wanted to do that all along but didn’t want to pressure you into it.”</p><p>Killua’s heart flutters, still unaccustomed to the idea that Gon has liked him for a while too. “Well… that settles it.”</p><p>Gon cards his hand through Killua’s hair, and they fall into a comfortable silence.</p><p>They’ll figure out the technicalities later. For now, Killua just wants Gon, to taste him, to feel him, to <em>be with him. </em>Because it’s what he’s wanted since forever and he’s not good at holding back once he’s had a taste. With chocolate, with friendship, and with what he’s recently experienced—sex, he always ends up incapable of living without something once he’s had it.</p><p>So as long as Killua gets to hold Gon in his arms at night, he doesn't care about a thing. He doesn’t care if Gon continues to be a camboy, in fact, the idea seems kind of appealing. Getting to watch his hot boyfriend jerk off on camera and get to fuck him right after? Sounds amazing. Maybe Gon will let him join in some of the sessions…</p><p>Gon’s arms tighten around him, warmth radiating off him in waves, and Killua relaxes despite the arousal thrumming through his body. <em>This, </em>he thinks, <em>This is home. </em></p><p>Abruptly, breaking the comfortable atmosphere and so concerned it’s comical, Gon whispers, “We’re going to have to change our ‘how we got together’ story!”</p><p>Killua bursts out laughing—at how serious Gon was saying it, and at the look that would be on people’s faces if they told them the truth. It’s crazy how much he loves this ludicrous man. “I don’t know, I kinda like the idea of introducing you to people as FreakyHunter.”</p><p>“It would be entertaining,” Gon replies, concern falling into amusement.</p><p>Then, he tugs Killua up to press a kiss to his lips and Killua sighs into it, enjoying every second. Killua only breaks away to look into Gon’s eyes, blue meeting brown.</p><p>“I love you Gon.”</p><p>“I love you Killua.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's it guys! I just want to thank you for all the support and love you gave to this completely self-indulgent fic and for sticking with it despite the infrequent updates. You all made it so fun to write, I didn't want it to end. I thought of adding more chapters and dragging it out but I couldn't justify it. Athough, I might write a kinda sequel for this fic that will be pure pwp if you're interested haha </p><p>Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed the ride, and how ridiculous these two are *cough* Gon proposing before they're even officially dating *cough* and pease tell me what you thought, if you liked it, if you didn't, I appreciate every comment :)  And for helping me complete my first ever multi-chaptered fic, I want to thank you again.</p><p>edit: i'm just going anonymous again for now, ill change it later</p>
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